yawn. you see i say yawn because when i actually yawn you don't get it

when that kid sleeps he ain't messing around. i just went up and changed him while he was sleeping - turned on the light; took him out of the crib; took off the sleeper - lots of wiping and then back into the crib.

so i'm a little pre-occupied; both with the stomach cramping (what the hell is this all about - it seems to happen more and more) and with this poem that i am trying to edit for submission.

Meditations on Meditation

It slaps the skin
Where it begins
The tempo fret
Reaches nothing yet
Pushes straight in
The sternum worn thin

Grab the vessel
Squeezes the pump
Selling what few are willing to
Invest in

Let it go, let it flow
On the wave of the bass
Bounce off the drums
Piercing arrow of low, low, low -
Low down and dirty
Reach down low
For the next thing it
Becomes
Reach down low

for the next line
It hums

It hums
It hums

The hum that joins us
Fast, fast, fast, furious
Clench and release
Clench and release
Always it's these

My skin vibrating from the bubble of blood
Fast rushed running through
Never expected

I found my stomach where I never thought to look
Right next to my heart
itself an unexpected stone

Not in the ether
Not where the wind whistles
Not where whispers ride dandelion spores
But right here

HEY - RIGHT FUCKING HERE

In the vein
Where blood is boiling
Where stroke and throb
Take off like horse hooves
Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomping
Building up toward a full stampede

Hot pulsed tempo
Hits a snare, a snare
Hot pulsed tempo
Red and white glare
Heat gathers heat
Scorches like ice

Hitting up on the crux of it
Rubbing the under-belying
Scraping the roe off
Bursts and pops twixt tongue and tooth

Introduce and anoint
Simul atque

Can't shake this state
Floating apart
Feet planted firm
My spine, my shoulders
My . . . my . . .
Where does it start?
Manan rolling from somewhere
Search, search, seek
But find the source to what end?
You may kneel at its feet
Not be its friend

This is the way my heart beats
This is where I am complete
The vibrating whir becomes a pound
A bleating, a bleating, fleeting sound
Reminders, knocking, knocking
This is not where it ends
This is just plateau

Not because it isn't real
Not because it's only 'feel'
Rather
That's all there is

The movement of the wheel
Climbs and plummets, plummets and climbs
And interruption of plateu vistas
Time to rest and bask
Respite from the questions we ask

Let the circle be complete
Let the circle be complete

gotta get the passport pictures tomorrow. gotta do a lot of stupid shit tomorrow.

so i was just sitting here thinking about crying - not, as in thinking 'i think i'll cry' but just thinking of it the anture of it and what it means blah blah blah. i have this half joke of a theory that depression is because you have to flush all the tears out of your system periodically. anyway, then i remembered the scrubs epirsode where kelso says he is dehydrated from crying. so that makes me curious and honstly this is how i know all the weird little things i know ( and nothing partciularly useful) . someone says something i find interesting, confusing or intriguing and i am research girl. so i look it up. must be asked a lot because it actually pops up as a question before i even start the third word. the first hit is a link to yahoo answers q. can you become dehydrated from crying a. if you are crying that much dehydration is the least of your worries hahahahaha

i just noticed that my computer seems to be randomly missing words i've typed in very bizarre. hopefully i have fixed them all.

have i mentioned that i hate our cats - well, two of them anyway - the two i didn't raise up from kittens.

alright; i'm a done deal. i keep nodding of and being all twitchy and mistyping and also, writhing in stomach agony. bed should solve both of these things so

two birds one ston and . . . BOOM . . . yummy bird soup.