dammit janet

i missed the president. but there was sex so what are ya gonna do? i'll have to read the transcript tomorrow. i was really looking forward to it too. i've sort of decided thought that sex and kids are the only things worth living for (but not together eww). this isn't a radical change from my previous outlook on life. slight tweak is all.

so they have decided to send me to the whole spine strengthening thing.

i am going to south carolina after all. we had mentioned to my uncle that we were going down there and i guess he was looking forward to it as he has been having a rough time lately. i'm of two minds about that. i feel for him truly but he never seems to have for anyone else(esp for my mom). which doesn't bother me much in particular but in general . . . kim mentioned that maybe i was meant to find my friend cathy again to bring the support she needs into her life. trust me, i had thought of that.

but really why me? and when does karma kick in. or maybe it's long term karma catching up with me. but whatever - it's south carolina and i can go to savannah. i've only been there once but sooo in love with it. despite the fact that my mom and i argued about the constitution in the extreme on the way down.

it was shortly after 9/11 and the future of the country and what george w was doing to our freedom was so intense. my mom was basically condoning losing freedoms to combat fear and at the time i was quite worried that we were bordering on a civil war type atmosphere. i remember telling her that if it came to it i would fight anyone on her side of the argument. it might sound ridiculous now and of course it was a tiny bit but things were really scary then. it'll probably be another 15 years or so before i can sort out how much was actual fear and how much was the administration's manipulation of us. but i remember at the time laying in bed literally just on the verge of trembling. asking carl to reassure me we would be okay. having vague conversations about what would happen if we fell off the grid - survivalism that kind of thing. very little was as eerie as the three days with no noise in the sky . . . except maybe the first few days there was noise again.

wow. yeah, that was way off path

anyway; i'm planning to still go to MI and to bermuda or some warm comfy place. we'll see.

KO - kids - that's all ya get tonight.

Now get off the boy, Buffy, we're going home.