Sunday, May 31, 2009

True Dreams - NOPE - **Nightmares** of Wichita

" . . . i've seen the kansas of your sweet little myth . . . " so i'm sure you've heard about the latest in the antichoice offensive. some d-bag in wichita killed a doctor who performed abortions - they killed him IN CHURCH. his clinic was bombed in 85 and he was shot in both arms in 93. he has had body guards for years. but he neglected to bring them to church. i guess he thought that was one place the nutjobs would respect. he was mistaken. there is no upside but if there were it would be that antichoice has discredited itself. hard to sympathize with their plea for life when they are killing people. my camp is for choice - you don't see us giving people forcible abortions.

it's 9.20 and i am sogoing to bed as soon as i am done with this. i have so very much to do this week to get ready for saturday. i also have somethign very unpleasant to do tomorrow athat i don't want to talk about right now that is stressing me out. i'll get back to you about all that tomorrow.

if you ignore me maybe i'll go away

Saturday, May 30, 2009

i have resolved to engage in better spelling / less typos but will still be ignoring grammar and capitalizations

the following are some concerns expressed by republicans about sotomayor - that she wants her name pronounced correctly; that she grew up on and still enjoys "strange foods" (pig's feet etc).

there is a commercial for a local restaurant called strega. there are two giantly obese men talking like they are for goodfellas. first of all just looking at them makes me uncomfortable and i'd rather never eat again. at one point they clink glasses and just watching them i feel like i can't breathe. but anyway - they say we have three rules at strega. rule number one, you'll have the best dining experience ; rule number two you'll have the best italian food you've ever eaten and for the third rule i'm gonna let my friend vinny tell ya "what happens at strega stays at strega if you know what i mean. i very much do NOT know what the hell the man means. especially since i looked at the website and there is a whole "celebrity pics" thing. maybe i'm just annoyed because it's so over the top stereotypically italian. also, the whole obesity thing - i'm sorry but watching people who can't fit behind the table and can barely raise their arm to raise their glass --- not the best way to entice me. i know, i should invest in a real problem.

there are so many layers to why and how i miss gideon. some of them have absolutely nothing to do with him in a very real sense. i fully acknowledge that. but let's face it for the mot part grief is selfish. one thing is, when things were bad for me he was a touchstone. i don't mean in a he was a good shoulder to cry on type of way. he was a horrible shoulder to cry on - he tended to get freaked out by open expressions of non-positive emotions. in his younger years he would act like an ass in the face of them. when i reconnected with him in 2005 we were talking on his balcony / filling each other in on things. i told him about my grandmother and something else that won't be discussed here - i was a little upset and well, a lot drunk and looking at my feet. when i looked up at him, it's hard to describe the look on his face but basically i took one look and realized he really didn't want me spilling my grief all over him. but he was a touchstone in other ways - he was a constant, me and him our connection it ebbed and flowed but never ended ; he was a distraction, we're both huge flirts and loved to flirt with each other and if those weren't options we'd fight. so here i am terribly upset about something and where is he?? off fucking around somewhere in the clouds or whatever the hell dead people do. fucker.

so there- there's another little piece. you know people say things are like onions with the many different layers? this is like well, i don't know what has more fucking layers than an onion??

anyway, i shared that piece because i would like to share something that is real and is not the pretty parts of grief. you know, i do grieve his youth; what he offered the world; that little boy he loved who loved him etc etc but everyone does so why tell you about that? i'd rather tell you things i don't want to say.

i suppose i should just start writing all the different pieces down and put them all into one blog post cuz otherwise i'll likely repeat myself. i hate repeating myself. i hate repeating myself. hehe

i had to do a report my freshman year in college on a poet - do a critique of one. i chose my cousin john ciardi. he was my third cousin or so but he was pretty famous. he did pretty much the definitive translation of dante's inferno; had a show on npr about word etymology and wrote bot adult and children's poetry. up to that point i had only read his children's poetry which i kinda like. well, i took out a book on his war poetry. it was hhhhhaaaahooorrrible. the point is one of the things that made him so horrible is in the first four stanzas of his poem he'd tell you everything and then he's spend another eight telling yuo the same damned thing again. see, repeating one's self that was my point.

chained heat - i've watched five minutes of it so far hahahahahoooooly crap. ya gots to watch this. i'm gonna go let it eat my brain.

but i'll still be able to kill you with it.

Friday, May 29, 2009


so here's the downside to the kid asking me if i'm his friend. at bed time when i told him it was time to go up and he didn't want to he told me - you aren't my friend. too funny. the thing that i love about my kid is that that little fit lasted as long as it took to pick him up and start carrying him upstairs. although he did have a full blown little fit. i told him that i was going to count to three and then we were either going upstairs to change his diaper or he could lay down on the rug. he did not want to go upstairs. he also decided to test me. i have only used this count method a couple of times and in the past when i have i don't get past one. so i got to three and stood up to pick him up and he freaked and laid down. i said, sorry, it's too late and up we went. oh, the tears.

today was picture day at school. apparently yesterday when they told him that it was picture day he shortly after announced that he needed a dress for his pictures. which he told us when he got home. we didn't get him a dress but the temptation was definitely there.

i had to answer a nutjob today on the internet. apparently bush and clinton are going to speak in canada. two people wrote back they are all upset that they are coming to their country. the first guy called them war criminals. the second one -well, he went on a rant equating colonialism with terrorism. it was - well; it went like this: "What is the definition of the word Colonialism? The invasion of Indigenous Peoples lands to rob, pillage and plunder their natural resources and lands for colonization. And enslaving, raping, mudering and committing genocide against the Indigenous Peoples
Colonialism = Terrorism" so he annoyed me, primarily because of his poor arguing skills and above all else because he used the word colonization to define colonialism. i know i'm crazy. i told you all of that to share this with you:

so i wrote the letter to serena. i've had someone else look at it. i feel comfortable. i'll send it tomorrow. i feel a small relief at finally having it done. i quite literally have been trying to craft this thing for months in my head. and of course every time i started thinking of it i thought of him and away we went with the tears and the despair. maybe i can stop thinking for ten minutes or so.

that would be nice

Thursday, May 28, 2009

boredom comes from the inside child

that's a quote from a poem about the paedophiling ways of lewis carroll. in the poem - actually it could have been a play (we performed an excerpt when i did oral interpretation in college) ANYwaaaaay in the piece that quote is attributed to carroll so on the one hand one pushes it aside because it's supposedly coming from a pervert. on the other hand, there is a lot of truth in that statement. so every time i realize i'm bored; that's when i realize i'm also boring. there is very little as unforgivable as being boring. i think evil is better.

it is 9.35. i'm watching supernatural and when it is over i will be sleeping.

i may have to start watching the vampire diaries. i don't want to - but i might have to.

nearly daily - about once a day my boy snuggles up to me and says "are you my friend?" he's also begun, in the last couple of months, telling me he loves me for no particular reason. so i'm feeling pretty loved.

i'm caught in a little bit of a vicious circle - in pain so i don't want to do much but the less you do the worse the pain. it's inconvenient. and i'm getting sick of taking the meds.

my cats create similar vicious circle - they follow me from room to room for food (not just food more food) and / or affection and therefore they annoy me so i don't want to show them affection so - more following me around. well two of them. one of them is just a normal cat.

tick tock tick tock - knock knock - whose there - sleep - sleep who - sleep deprivation is starting to eat me a live.

good night. i'll be dreaming of the winchester brothers. hope you have something so pleasant on your mind.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

politically motivated

north korea has gone loopy again.

i just saw meghan mccain on the colbert report. she seems like a sweet kid. so i went to her blog and the venue she writes for she's really not that good. writing wise i mean. and with the whole world watching how can you not use spellcheck.

however, i did find this article which i liked quite a bit

it's nice to see the entire party hasn't lost their minds. the above is an article about how the republican party isn't doing itself any favors by going after sotomayer and colin powell..

which brings me to sotomayer who really is a great choice. although ironically, both pro and anti choice are a little worried because she hasn't had much dealing with abortion cases. i admit i am a little worried as well. especially since she's roman catholic. but i can't deny that she is a good choice.

good night and good luck

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

bordering on interesting . . . maybe

i love the feel of my hair down my back - except when it's wet and i'm dry.

i have dreams about floating. not just levitating and not quite flying. they are really quite awesome. and mean something. i'm sure of it. and no, i'm not some whackadoo who thinks i can use a broom to fly around or some shit. someone once gave me a book to that effect. here's the thing. i believe that absolutely anything is possible. really and truly. if you believe that you can bend the laws of physics - you can. but the fact is that most of us have a hard enough time believing we have power over our own thoughts let alone the physical universe. plus, that's not what we are here for. okay, i'm sure you think i'm crazy.

i have had very very vivid dreams lately in general and if i hadn't been enveloped by this malaise as of late i might even have written them down and know what they mean.

the thing that makes buffy and angel so appealing is that they are superheroes but they can be duped. not just tricked but actually duped. most sueprheroes - they can spot evil a mile away. buffy; angel - the rest of them - they get sucked in by evil. their instincts are flawless.

my song is singing "bang bang maxwell's silver hammer" again but he's changed it to "made sure that she'd go back" he's pc'ed it up. i have no idea where he came up with his version but he REALLY loves that song.

so yeah, that's it . . . it's not exactly *meat* perse but it's at least, um, eggs or something, no?

Monday, May 25, 2009

a few random thoughts

denis leary is hot. it's fox so i was well prepared to hate it. i admit i haven't read the whole thing in depth but at first glance it looks good. it looks like a straight "here are your options" site.

i have lately had the urge to go to the caribbean. which is pretty crazy. i've been there and i liked it but it isn't something i usually dream about. water. i want to be in the water - like ocean water but i hate the ocean around here. in august it's still freezing and the salt clings to you like, like . . . idk but it's icky

i feel i pretty much wasted this weekend. eh. oh, well, next two weekends are gonna be a jam packed. oh yeah, that reminds me - did i tell you that i am having my initiation? i may have i don't remember. anyway - it's june 6th.

that is all.
you are dismissed.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

seriously how much longer is this gonna happen

i have nothing at all to say.

i just got finished watching mr. woodcock. there's two hours i'll never recover.

it's worse than having nothing to say. it's like i have nothing going on in my mind. or maybe just nothing that i would deem interesting. for instance, i forgot my father's birthday saturday so i called today and left a message this morning. and i admit i am a little worried as i haven't heard back yet. my stepmother had surgery last week so one would thing that they would be home. also, i really need to find the energy to do the eight gazillion projects that have a fucking chokehold on me and i dont' seem to have it at all. then let's see there is the ongoing - people i should be in touch with and things i should be doing.

i never talk about carl so here's a tidbit - here's what it is to have a conversation with him. i say, "maybe you can make pizza dough and i'll make some sauce - i'm gonna cut up some of that sausage to put in it" and he says "yeah, okay. well, you know the thing with your sauce is that you usually put chicken it" "yeah, some boullion" "yeah, well since we don't have any" [which we did/do] "maybe you could cut that sausage up fine and put that in there" you think i'm exaggerating or making this up altogether but i'm not. that is nearly word for word.

but the pizza was pretty good.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

something that annoyed me and another tiny little piece of my soul

here's the article that has me a little annoyed and perhaps flabbergasted at people's stupidity

Toddler pretending to breastfeed shocks dozens!
"Distasteful, inappropriate and crude." That's how some people are describing a poster hanging in a hospital near Manchester, England. The grandmother of a patient there calls it "shocking" and "disgusting." A health care assistant at the hospital calls it "highly offensive."

What's the oh-so-scandalous image? A picture of a little girl pretending to breastfeed her dolly.

The poster, placed in a children's ward to promote Breastfeeding Awareness Week, reads, "It's normal. Children copy their mothers. Teenagers do it! Celebrities do it!" Now, I doubt the folks behind the poster will be winning any awards for clever copywriting -- or design, for that matter -- but given that the image in question shows a fully clothed child doing nothing remotely sexual, the outrage is absurd. And tiresome. (And disturbing, in the case of the health care assistant who's offended.) How hard is it to understand that breastfeeding is about nourishing a child, not exhibitionism? We're still hung up on this? Really?

Yep. Australian feminist blog Hoyden About Town has a round-up of some of the comments on newspaper articles about the poster. Highlights include (insert your own "sic"s as necessary): "What next, a child posing unrolling a condom?" "What is next children pretending to have sex to show them how adults have sex." "It is the sort of picture that a paedophile would show a kid to say look it is ok to do that because it is what grown ups/mothers do. What next."

Seriously, what next, you guys? Two-year-olds just walking around in public pretending their dollies are their own babies? Why can't we let children be children, for heaven's sake?!? Oh. wait.

As the Hoyden post vividly demonstrates, a two-minute Google image search will bring up pictures galore of little girls play-feeding baby dolls, which we're meant to see as wholesome and charming -- because the girls are using bottles. But little girls (and boys) who hold toys to their chests, mimicking the kind of baby-feeding they know best? Distasteful! Inappropriate! Disgusting! Unlike, say, insisting that kids' innocent play is sexual. Or insisting that mothers in the act of feeding hungry babies should be thinking of the strangers they might arouse instead of meeting their children's needs. Those things are totally cool. Keep up the good work! Just don't ever let a girl grow up thinking breasts are for anything but other people's sexual pleasure. We don't want to confuse the poor things.

― Kate Harding

the article isn't well written but you get the point of my outrage.

the piece of my soul was about gideon but i can't do it. mark you commented before about my ability to just let it all come forward on the page - it seems to be gone. i just can't. now if only my mind would stop too.

my mother took the boy to see 'earth' today. i guess he was enrapt all except for the last 15 minutes or so. and i went back to yoga. i do feel a little better already. course i bet going to bed at 8.30 last night and the nap today didn't hurt either, huh?

Friday, May 22, 2009

it's 8pm

and i am so going to bed. as soon as i'm done with this thing.

carl got back from vegas this morning. the boy was definitely happy to se ehim. well, not at first, he was mad at him.

kai had his first full day in the older preschool so we're happy abou that cuz he was sobored in the other one. as it is they still have these one piece puzzles and hey were like o, malachai has done all of these. we're like, yeah, no kiding. kid does 30 - 60 piece puzzles. course he'll go to a good college but he'll be in a diaper when he gets there.

i'm sure you feel ripped off but i just woke up with my fingers on the key board so . . . perhaps i should go nigh nigh now.

i'm going back to yoga tomorrow. sohopefullly that will haelp with this ongoing pain. i'll let ya know.

i hope your weekend is going to be long . . .

Thursday, May 21, 2009

bullet points

my hip is EFFING killing me

i attended a meeting this afternoon that basically consisted of me explaining to the other people what they were trying to say to each other as they all spoke past each other

now that i reread the above sentence i can't imagine how i did that since that makes no damned sense

i made three batches of chocolate chip cookies tonight

i hate making cookies but it made the kid happy

he amazes me sometimes. i gave him a cookie - he ate it and got up from the table. and honestly my chocolate chip cookies are damned good so it wasn't that.

the father comes home tomorrow. malachai has dealt well with him not being here but i think he's going to be very relieved when he comes back. i think it has sort of been a low grade disturbance for him.

i am watching television and i would just like to know how many friggin children of the corn movies did they make

o goddess my hip and my neck hurt.

diet cherry dr. pepper - gene simmons is a genius.

i am trying these novocaine patches the doctor gave me but i'm very wary as i am not a big fan of novocaine.

the psychic also said i should look into making jewelry. how weird is that? i don't see it . . . and yet, there is a three week metal jewelry class that i'm thinking about.

i have to say - i've missed carl; i love him but . . . i really like owning the house.

yeah, i really do make good cookies - dammit - i gotta get rid of these things.

spring fever has really begun to hit. the twenty year olds are looking pretty yummy.

i am so very looking forward to this weekend so i think i shall go to bed to bring it a little closer.

"i have a dream. to have a dream."

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

raspberry lime rickey sherbert

'nuff said

ahd a mani/pedi today. other than the fact that my toe hurts it's all good. watching johnny depp which is always nice even if it is pirates and he looks a bit funky.

so other than the fact that i lost my keys for two fucking hours today and my mother had to come out here (all for naught since i did finally find them) and the director at my son's daycare had to drop him off at home - - it was a good day. grrrrrr

do they do tattoos on the crease of the elbow?

my mother finally brought up gideon to me tonight. one of the things she said was what a wasted life for someone who had so much potential. to wit i replied - what is the threshold? what isn't a wasted life? gideon enjoyed doing carpentry - isn't enjoying what you do count for something? i mean really who's life isn't wasted?? or is? however you want to look at it. how wasted is my life - i've worked all these years at a job that on a good day i feel nuetral about. and i've lived in fear to do anything i wanted to do - to the point where now i don't even want to do anything. i'm not trying to depress i'm just being factual. my point is what is the meeasure of a life and what it may or may not be worth? to say that a life is wasted is to imply that there is some point it can get to where it is not wasted. where isthat point??

hmm - cass, you'vegot a point thtere
ya damned right an if i had a hat . .

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

freaking headache

seriously blinding pressure in my head.

i really do feel like there's a part of me missing. well, i have felt that way anyway but specifically i'm referring to the absence of gideon.

i have so very much to do but i'm think that i might just take my dumb ass to bed.

the kid hasn't specifically said anything about carl being gone but he's def off today.

obama is fighting the credit card companies - whoohoo!

yeah, each of those sentences have nearly split my head open.

Monday, May 18, 2009

can't take anymore

the next - i hate immigrants or everyone should worship my god etc. - email i get better be really heavy on facts. i have lots of opinions too but i don't believe every piece of nonsense that crosses my path just because it furthers my opinion. if you can't make your cse based on facts then you don't have a case - you have a cult. just as a little for instance - there is an email out there that says that 95% of all murder warrants are for illegal immigrants. now, first of all, the source for this is a woman who said 95% of all outstanding warrants which is significantly different - don'tcha think?? PLUS - it was just one woman and she's a lawyer, a journalist and an atheist . .. usually any one of those are enough for a conservative to dismiss her. at any rate - no one has ever been able to provide any hard facts for her argument. i myself would like to say that i believe at least four times as much money is wasted on corporate tax breaks and pampering politicians than on welfare but i haven't done the proper leg work.

so carl's away - it's alittle weird. i'm sure it will be much stranger after mike leaves.

k- - must sleep.

night night

Sunday, May 17, 2009

impending silence


carl is leaving for vegas around 3am and won't be back until friday morning. he is attending a conference on cloud computing. his father is here until tuesday morning so really it'll only be like 2 and a half days but it'll be interesting. i'm not sure how the munchkin is gonna take it though. we'll see.

i was reading an article about how obama got heckled when he spoke at notre dame - the whole abortion thing. this paragraph was in the article "Catholics are the largest single denomination in the United States, making up nearly a quarter of the population. More than half of the adult population is Protestant but that is split among many denominations." this is why i wanted to be excommunicated. you know what they base how many catholics there are on??? baptism records. so catholics are recognized as a political force based on baptism records and the assumption is that as goes vatican city so goes the rest of us. do you have any clue how many people who were baptized are like me and have embraced either another religion altogether or the compelete absence of one?? and of the remaining baptized individuals who are still "catholic" - i don't know a single one who agrees with rome - abortion; gay rights; divorce. and i definitely don't know anyone that believes in no premarital sex or no birth control. which really confuses me as to why remain catholic and those of you that are my friends in this situation - i don't mean to ire you; i really don't understand. catholicism is the only form of christianity that doesn't give you permission to make up your mind (we believe in one holy, catholic and apostolic church). but whatever - i sooo digress. the point is that politicians are influenced by the supposed numbers which aren't really. so that's it. you can tell i'm short on things to chat about.

right now - i'm watching dane cook. one of his skits just reminded me - why the hell can't stars adopt babies from this country??

i'm too tired to go to sleep. sigh

Saturday, May 16, 2009

non sequiturs

according to the people at clearblue easy - 1 in 4 women can misread a traditional pregnancy test. if only there were some way to instantly sterilize those women. i've taken these tests - they aren't rocket science. one line you're not / two lines you are; a plus sign you're preggers / a minus you're not . . . they aren't written in friggin ancient sumarian.

yesterday my son asked my mother "um, okay, can we please end this discussion now"

oh, and speaking of ending discussions - the next person to tell me to go to school as the answer to my "what should i do with my life" . . . gets bitch slapped. i KNOW i have to go back to school once i figure out what i want to do and therefore know what classes to take. i don't have the money and time to just go and wander around for a while. believe me if i did the answer to what should i do with my life would be 'go to school' cuz really i don't want to do anything but learn a bunch of different stuff.

gideon didn't really like anything pop culture. as far as i know, in the last few years all he listened to was opera and classical music. (i can not tell you how horrific it is to say last few years about a man who wasn't even 40). so it surprised me a great deal when he sent out a copy of SNL's 'dick in a box'. recently i stumbled across the follow up

and then i think - i'm so sorry he missed that. that's why i said before that anya's speech in buffy is so good when she says "and then i thought joyce won't have juice again or brush her teeth or . . . " these are the things that occur over time and freak one out. or maybe just me - who knows?

Friday, May 15, 2009

psychic friday

top ten places to live - not a one of them is in the united states

saw the psychic today - she said gideon was with me. like right there. it was the first thing she brought up. "what sign is your ex?" i said "which one" yeah, i don't know why i said that.

but she didn't tell me what to do wth my life which i wasn't happy about. i mean she gave me some ideas but i dont' want ideas. i want someone to literally say "go do this" and then i will. sigh.

that's about it for today.

OH!! dollhouse has been picked up for a second season. whooooohoooo

Thursday, May 14, 2009

not a bad day

i have an initiation date - carl's job has gone live

if i wasn't wiped out with a sore throat and a blinding headache i might even do a little dance

leg doctor and psychic lady tomorrow

yeah, that's it

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

once there was a way to get back homeward

it's been a heavy grief day - round about 3.30 to this moment. what i wouldn't give for a callous heart. or an extra sized bottle of atavin. or maybe a life with purpose - a distraction. yeah, i know, i'm short on the making sense tonight. i told ya it's been a long afternoon. and i have a sore throat. that happened before the pathetic weepiness. i mean really.

i did make a fairly delicious dinner tonight - cavatelli with a sauce i made up; pork seasoned with dill. and we got the kid on tape singing "the malachai song" before we butchered his hair.

so when i took the kid to the eye doctor the other day i sawone of those very subtle anti-boy things. there was a renditon of the three little pigs so i read it to him. there are four characters in this story - stupid pig one with the house of straw; stupid pig two with the house of sticks; very smart and generous pig with the house of bricks who not only builds with bricks but saves the other morons and outsmarts the wolf AND finally evil and ultimately stupid wolf. guess who the only female in the story is - right - the smart and generous one. i know in the past the opposite was done to women. but that is the point why do we have to go in the other direction? it's bad enough i'm going to have to navigate the kid's childhood trying to explain about witches dammit!!

so now the endless dilemma - go to sleep and wake up knowing i should have done more or stay awake and do a little more and be more tired and distraught tomorrow. i'm fucked. i'm also watching the stand so . . .

m - o - o - n that spells fucked.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

round two

i had started another blog post but now i'm really annoyed so i can't continue it.

i took the kid to the eye doctor today. the doctor said he has slight farsightedness but nothing unusual for his age. apparently lots of kids have it around this age and then as their eyes change it corrects itself. so - so far so good - looks like he has my eyes after all whooooooooooohooooooooooooooooo!! so he played eye doctor with me for a while in the waiting room while we waited for his eyes to dilate. when we left the poor little was grumbling a little in the back seat. i said "what's the matter" he says "um, the sun needs to go away"

he also ate close to his body weight today. but the very best was after his nap he woke up and said "i need my guitar to sing the malachai song" i'm like "huh" "um, why did we put my guitar in the closet" now mind you we put the guitar in the closet like 2 months ago. so i get it and hand it to him and he begins 'oh, malachai, i love you, oh, malachai, i love you so much, oh . .. " needless to say i peed myself

goodnight :*

Monday, May 11, 2009

trying something new

i'm going to start going to bed no later than 11pm. cuz i had something to tell you people and i don't know what the hell it was because my brain is broken form lack of sleep.

i have to take the kid to the eye doctor tomorrow. i really hope there is nothing wrong with his eyes. eh, i suppose it doesn' matter. i mean according to my insurance company it isn't necessary to have your eyes checked or treated so there you go. sigh. i also have to find someone to look at my jaw. apparently there are discs in your jaw which i didn't know. sother is a chance that my discs have broken down. whoo hoo lucky me. the tooth reshaping seems to have helped quite a bit though. i am extraordinarily curious if my jaw troubles have anyting to do with a certain crazy man fracturing it some 15 years ago or so. i'll let you know

alright - so if this goes as planned then my sleep should bring you something interesting.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

happy mother's day

so i found this interesting little tidbit on the history of mother's day. from wikipedia
"The "Mother's Day Proclamation" by Julia Ward Howe was one of the early calls to celebrate Mother's Day in the United States. Written in 1870, Howe's Mother's Day Proclamation was a pacifist reaction to the carnage of the American Civil War and the Franco-Prussian War. The Proclamation was tied to Howe's feminist belief that women had a responsibility to shape their societies at the political level."

the proclamation can be found on the link. so originally it was in order to unite mother's in a pacifist capacity. so there - there is your little tidbit of knowledge for today

as for my mother's day. it was fine. today was definitely a heavy chat day for the kid. i swear that kid talks so much - i'm gonna have to record it for ya. all carl and i can do is just laugh. the best is when i hear myself comeout o fhis mouth. he was arguing with us about whether carl's van was a van or a car. mind you many of his arguments go like this "no it's not black ; it's black" um okay. anyway, he kept insisting cara nad we kept saying no van. so finally we hear "pshh, fine, whatever, it's a van" good good stuff

i hope you all had a lovely mother's day - whatever you did.

oh, and i got the original buffy movie - to round out my joss whedon collection. just need the dr. horrible series now. well, that and we'll see when they release dollhouse.

last night we watched an episode of firefly so

Well, I appreciate your honesty. Not, you know, a lot, but...

Saturday, May 09, 2009

too tired to . . . bl a

m son went to church today - to my cousins first communion. i asked him what he did today he said "i went to church" so i replied "who did you see at church" to wit "um, jesus . . . hanging on a bar" great stuff

i actually have more to say but truly not the strength to do so

also . .. i can kill you with my brain

Friday, May 08, 2009


again - nothing to say. again; very tired.

work is too annoying to even begin to tell you about; nothing much is happening at home and ya'll have your own tv's so what the hell do you want from me??

how bout i take a little nap and maybe do a late night post?? well, ya dont have to like it but you do havae to accept it.

Thursday, May 07, 2009

ya can't make me

well, okay, i guess you did. but i'm tired. i have overused my brain today - obsessing a little. high anxeity day for no reason really.

so what can i say that is new and exiting. i am watching michael j. fox's show on optimism. i like it. which unusual for me. i mean i am a fan of optimism but usually pep talk people on tv are full of massive amounts of poop.

oh and i have also been trying to catch up on facebook. jesus christ! i haven't done this in forever. i suppose it's a little late to send easter eggs or green beers, huh?

wow - so there is a supposition that pessimists need to think about the problems to avoid them and optimists have to avoid thinking about them. that i definitely have to look into more. and htere is a genetic predisposal to optimism or not. well, i have a new research project. i'll get back to you.

tonight - a michael j. fox quote:

since i'm not sure the address to send my gratitude i put it out there in everything i do

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

"the business of being born"

i'm watching this movie right now about natural versus medical childbirth. very interesting. here is the highlight: other countries do the majority of births, "normal" births without complications are done by midwives at home. births with complications are still done by doctors. anyway, these other countries have lower infant mortality rates than we do. and omg - look into twilight sleep - the origins of hospital birth. sheesh

anywho, today was my last PT day. my flexibility increased but then that wasn't a real problem - i started more flexible than average. anyway, it was good. i really liked the program. it was way useful.

OMG - they just advertised this program called 'nursery university'. i think americans may have finally gone completely crazy.

have i mentioned that my cats are creepy.

and in child news - after about an hour my kid stopped singing a mix of "there were ten in the bed" and "no more monkeys jumping on the bed"

okay - we'll talk tomorrow. i think it's just about nigh nigh time - and i just found the perfect thing to fall asleep to - a vampire movie with jason mewes in it!!

You're a vampire. Oh, I'm sorry. Was that an offensive term? Should I say undead American?"

Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Interim Governor of the Palace

I think the link explains it all, really. Another day as regent ensures that my station of castellan shall soon be elevated- Blog 360 or whatever the fuck is going on here can't be denied, motherfuckers! Destiny approaches, as long as She continues to go to bed early.

link is the blog title, btw... put the little pointy thing on top of the blog title and it will turn a new color. Then click. Is this too much detail?

stuff that pisses me off and makes me smile

okay - the WE network is doing a special on women behind bars. the fifty second clip basically suggests that these women were victims who struck out or in some other way sympathetic. it starts by saying "they're wives - pan to this woman "i wanted to be a good wife" - they're mothers" etc. etc. this is why i can't be a feminist. you think there aren't men in prison with sympathetic stories??? or woman who are just plain mothereffing evil. ugh.

now for the cheery portion. my son has begun narrating himself. first of all he is no longer 'pig' he is now 'sir topham hat'. so this morning at the breakfast table he tells me something that he finds funny - giggles about it and then says "laughed sir topham hat". i can't decide if this is incredibly creative of him or just plain creepy.

this was begun much earlier today and again i am waking up to post it so that's all you'll get from me. perhaps tomorrow we can discuss the matthew shephard act.

Monday, May 04, 2009

titles - we don't need no stinking titles

my kid sings maxwell's silver hammer now unprompted. this evening he was singing it while literally running circles around the house. so we watched some beatles on youtube

yeah, if he didn't exist i would have nothing to tell you people at all. hmm i have one more session of this intensive pt that i have been doing. they took measurements today - i am more flexible than the average person which of course they are all excited about but then i was basically more flexible than the average person before i started. flippancy aside i think it actually worked very well and the cool thing is all the stuff they showed me to do is stuff i can do on my own. i already have a gym membership so i'm good to go.

i told the daycare director about the insurance thing today - she seemed nonplussed. i guess it goes with the territory for her. healthcare man. so, you should watch sicko by michael moore. for the record, he's not my favorite dude and the movie is definitely hyped but facts are still facts and you'll find some of them disturbing. what was really sad - three of the people he interviewed, and then took with him to cuba to get medical attention they couldn't get here, were 9/11 rescue workers suffering directly from their involvement during 9/11. i mean - come the eff on - all these "patriots" with their big damn mouths about how saying the war is a bad idea is unpatriotic. no, unpatriotic is the fact that returning troops are not getting proper medical care and/or benefits (which your man bush cut while he was in office and obama had damn well better reverse that shit) and the people who risked their lives to save others when we were attacked - - -how can we justify not taking care of these people? it really makes me sad.

meanwhile - in other countries - they take more time off and are statistically more productive; maternity leave - oh, about a year; and they live longer, and they aren't morbidly obese; oh, there is one south american country that has a lower infant mortality rate than detroit - sorry, my little michiganders.

alright, there are a lot of wholes in there - just stuff i left out. i'll come back to it. my bed is calling me.

You really need to have every square inch of your ass kicked.

Sunday, May 03, 2009

first full weekend

so for the first time this weekend i went to a saturday afternoon function not by myself. up until now carl has been working every saturday - i've gotten used to going to all of these things by myself. so that was nice. with rare exceptions we haven't actually spent a weekend together since 2003 or so. i bet. course at this very moment he's grating on my last so . . .

so the kid has taken a marked interest in dinosaurs. so yesterday i decide we'll look up some dinosaur pictures and videos online. i go googling for stuff for kids. so i put on a video about t-rex and he eats another dinosaur who apparently looke dlike a dog to kai because he has been walking around ever since saying "did the trex bite the dog?" so i go to the next one - supposed to be about some dinosaur family who 45 seconds in . . . gets eaten by a t-rex. thus ends our internet exploration.

his school calle dme on friday to tell me that someone who had been in the center but not in the classrooms had influeza a possibly swine flu. but haven't hear anything yet. i guess symptoms come 1 to 4 days so i guess i won't worry too much. actually, at the risk of sounding glib i'm really not worried. i'm more worried about the fact that i have to call them tomorrow and tell them that my insurance company is probably going to come after them for money. he had stitches on his eye last year because a kid pushed him and he hit the bookshelf. at daycare that is the same risk as getting a cold. shit happens in toddler town. but, my insurance company is now asking what happened so they can go after someone else for the cost. i hate to tell them because i hate to see that happen but i have a feeling that if they find out later that they could have gone after someone and my not telling them is what prevents them from getting their money . . they'll take their money from me. oh, how i love healthcare in the united states. everyone complaining about excessive lawsuits doesn't get the part that the lawsuits are mostly amongst insurance companies. if you're an individual you likely won't get squat. but i'll go into that in further detail some other time. i's tiRED! you all be good now.

Occasionally, I'm callous and strange

Saturday, May 02, 2009


we went to lynne's twins' first birthday party today. pretty uneventful which is actually really nice for a first birthday party.

yeah, that's it - that's all i got. people forgot how to drive today. i had to go shopping and remembered why i never try to go anywhere on saturday. i bought like seventy thousand things of juice - just another reminder not to shop when you really want something. my kid was talking to himself whn he woke up this morning "and then sir topham hat" (he's no longer pig, now he is sir topham hat)"asked his mommy if she could turn on the little light" too fucking funny.

yep guess i'll have to start living a more exciting life or start taking hallucinogens or something so it seems interesting.

OH - one thing. i did look into the whole teaching thing. you apparently have to be a rocket scientis to be a teacher in this state. it was almost impossible to cipher. so i started talking to lynne about it tonight and she told me about the particular kind of teaching called an ABA where you deal with kids with behavioral or any other myriad of problems. she said she thought of me doing it because of my manner with children - that i'm strong without being imposing. it's actually right on target. so i'm gonna look into it. i mean i'll have to go to school but the idea of protecting kids, making kids who don't feel safe feel safe . . . anyway, more on it later. it's not a plan - it's the shadow of whisper of a plan.

i'm the shadow of a whisper of consciousness - i'm audi5 baby

Friday, May 01, 2009


it's a weird disease. it's on house right now. i've always been fascinated by it. but what can i say the whackier your brain is the more interested i am.

as for me - on days like today i wish i had it. it was a high pain day for my legs. well, that and my ass since my 9am meeting didn't start until 11 and my (what i thought was prety awesome) web page layout was not met with the rousing enthusiasm i felt it earned.

and the pain killers i took have worn off and i don't want to take another. so i'm going to take a bath. if that at least makes me feel like i can stop crying i'll do part two. if not, i'll take another pill and if either there will be a very sloppy part two or i'll pass out.