that probably would have sounded more commanding if i wasn't wearing my yummy sushi pajamas

i am the queen of boredom or of being bored whatever.

there's a woman at my work that i am thinking of killing so that could be entertaining. i'm just tired of people's crap - really. fucking minefield. the lack of logic; consistency and self reflection annoys the piss out of me but bleh

so then, i've taken tomorrow off. i went to the doctor today - maybe i have strep maybe not. he put me on penicillin either way. so either tomorrow i will feel much better and be able to get some shit done or there will be sleeping all day.

if a then you can expect little from me. if b - maybe more so.

carl is going after a new job. writing for a tech mag. it looks really good. i'll be very happy if he gets it. mostly because i think he'll be happier. plus writing is what he intended to do all along. he has a passion so he should be doing it. believe me if i could come up with a job that was "for me" i would damned well be doing it. not that i've let go of the teaching idea. but i've already told you i'm looking at that cuz it's closer.

so this guy is damn close to a hero to me http://billknott.typepad.com/ he is a poet and an extraordinary teacher. he was the first writing teacher who engaged in concrete/ how to / here's the problem criticism. his class brought me to life. i wrote some of my best pieces under his tutelage and loved the shit out of every minute of it. while he was my teacher i never read any of his poems - except one in another poetry class by accident - it was in one of our textbooks. some years later when i looked into going to grad school in arizona i went to their writing house on campus. basically a small ranch house; very small just filled with books of poetry. swoon - well, ish - truth is i don't like a lot of other people's poetry but that is a story for another time. but it is actually why i didn't read his poetry to begin with; i was afraid i couldn't take him seriously if he sucked anyway, i sat down and read his poetry. and <3 <3 he is rough exteriored but still simply phenomenal and has now taken to publishing every day and offering his poetry for free.

it's funny; when most people say they miss college they mean the friends, the partying, the lack of responsibility and believe me i miss all of that as well but what i really miss is the classes. i miss talking about things - philosophical; psychological; the craft of art; the art of everything. religion - politics. i miss talking about these things in an intelligent - let's explore what it really means way. not that there wasn't any emotion but . . . sigh, in college, even beer time was mentally stimulating. well, okay, not all the time

Also . . . I can kill you with my brain.