i'm multicrastinating

i have to do a shitload of work and this stupid blog . . sigh i want nothing to do with any of it.

when we were sixteen - well, i was - gideon wrote me a letter; a card - wtf ever. he told me to stay gold ala robert frost / the outsiders. i actually had the poem imprinted on my grandmother's death cards (um, what are they called) certainly not because of that just because . . . well, here's the poem if ya don't know it

Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
so dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.

anyway, some years later i wrote a letter to gideon - i was newly returned to new england and he was still in lawrence, kansas. i must have brought that up - i don't remember what i wrote to him but judging by his response i must have been afraid that i was losing my green / gold. he told me that more than anyone he knew i had held onto it but that if i needed to change my hue then i should do so . a very very dear friend wrote me today in response to the poem i posted yesterday and said " . . . the child in you shines brightly still. You have yet to admit defeat." what is that do you suppose?

so the answer to your question kim is for a long ass while. just writing that much i had to walk away for about a half hour and that wasn't even supposed to be about him.

so here's today's poem - well, not that i wrote it today. and no it isn't about him . . . well one line might be i don't remember but all over no:

He taught me
To separate my emotions from his
He taught me
To take it with a grain of salt
He taught me
To take it without asking
He taught me
To take it how I could get it
I taught him
To take it like a man

It's not a great poem but it amuses me to no end.

alright then - i have to go do someone else's work. cuz that's what i do in this near useless life i have created for myself. can't quite cover my own ass but somehow i excel at covering other people's - so if you need your ass covered i'll be there

Also . . . I can kill you with my brain