i hate that. the bad foot. it gets really cold a lot. circulation dealee i guess.
so my eyes are not quite so swelly. i almost look normal again. maybe i feel better - we'll see. there is a possibility that i am just too tired to feel anything at the moment.
so for those of you who have said or feel that i should not be this unhappy because i have my son. i love my son - beyond explanation. but he is not FOR me - i am for HIM. what i mean is that i have seen way too many people put their happiness on their children. it's a great deal of pressure on the child - it just plain isn't right. and yes, he makes me happy but the point is that it's my job to love him even if he makes me incredibly miserable. idk if that makes sense to you. a friend suggested that i should go away for a mini vacation just me and kai. but the fact is that i am fighting isolation here. it's connection i need. and again- yes, i feel connected to my son. very much so but he can't help me and i wouldn't dream of asking. and if you are reading - the only reason i didn't tell you that then is that i knew that didn't feel right but i couldn't put into words why which i suppose might have been influenced by the whole half a brain thing.
i am actually considering going away for a weekend without him. though i'm not sure i could spend a weekend without him.
so lux interior died. of a disease of all things. who woulda thunk it.good article here:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/music/musicblog/2009/feb/05/cramps-lux-interior-dies
and this is the man at 60 and his wife at 55
mmmmm chicken soup
so, the initiation - not sure. maybe march. i'm also looking into a shamanism workshop. it's the weekend of march 28th. i've actually already done the basic workshop which is what this is but i don't exactly have proof so they might make me take it again before i can move on to the more advanced stuff.
oh, i meant to respond to you kim and i forgot - why do you think a bed is the answer to pooping in the crib?
well, kids - one week and one day to dollhouse!! whooo to the hooo
my teeth are all starchy so i'm gonna go do something about that and
Also . . . I CAN kill you with my brain
6 comments:
Well, if anything, I think I would like to buy you an initiation present. Like a plushie Elephant or something.
Or incense.
Something. I'll ask Kim.
If he is in a bed he can get to the toilet.
Where you you take a mini vacation to? Find a good air fare and I'll meet up with you. Can't drink though. :(
mark - that is so very incredibly sweet and you are a very supportive person. truly. i know i'm usually sarcastic but . . . thank you.
kim - ahahahahahhhahahhahhahahhahahahhahahhahaha
i thought that is what you were getting at. he RARELY uses the toilet when asked. also, i don't know if he is taking his diaper off and pooping or pooping and then taking his diaper off. so it seems unlikely that would fix that problem and instead it wouldl ADD the problem of him -never- going to sleep.
you might not have to meet up with me. i was kinda thinking my minivacation would be to see you.
Works for me. I would rather hit a beach somewhere warm, but If you want to hang out here I can dig it.
Plus, you can bring my present.
Not that it has anything to do with me... but my vote is you come here!
Hey Cassie, I know this is not what your blog was about, but what natural herbal stuff were you talking about before that is good to take for fertility/conception? I think you might have told me before but I can't find the email.
Also, what a good mom you are to say that you're there for him, not that he is there for you. I completely agree. I know my nulliparous status makes my opinion less.... I suppose valid, but damnit even though I am not a mom I am someone's kid and I wholeheartedly agree!
kim - i kinda thought you didn't have the money to go somewhere. oh, i remember - cuz you told me you didn't have the money.
andrea - i will put something together and send it to you. i actually wanted to send you the information again and ask if you wanted me to do a spell for you but sometimes i get too pushy so . . . let me know about the spell; i can tell you more about it if you aren't comfortable with the idea. but either way i will send you the herbal information.
thank you for the support about kai and for wanting me to come visit :) it's always nice to be wanted. and KUDOS!! you made me look up a word!! sometimes i look one up because i want the exact nuance of it but i flat out hadn't a clue what nulliparous was.
and also; don't let anyone tell you that invalidates your opinion about kids. that used to make me crazy. you have cared for children - you know them. hell, you have cared for them at their most vulnerable. and for that matter, i know people who have them and don't know shizzznitty about them. :-*
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