Friday, September 26, 2008


What’s really bothering me at the moment is that I can’t remember the five stages of death or grief or whatever the fuck. I know there is anger; denial; bargaining and acceptance. There is a fifth one but for the life of me . . . is it increduility? I know it isn’t but that could easily be one and it’s different then denial because it isn’t so much that I don’t believe it; I’ve passed that point a little while ago. Like when the phone rang and it was his brother calling from his phone and I thought HE was calling to tell me it was all a big fuck up; that it was a cruel joke or that it was his dad and not him or I don’t even know what.

There’s a song that keeps going through my head: you’re in my heart, you’re in my soul . . . so what, it’s rod stewart, now you know I’m cheesey. And he is; always has been since I was fifteen and accosted him in the hall for his phone number. Contrary to what people say it isn’t like that piece of your soul dies – it’s far more painful than that. For every part of your soul that is alive there is a touch stone on the outside. Beauty is a part of your soul and anytime you need to bring that part out there are trees or flowers, poetry or music; whatever it is that is your touchstone.

So pumping and beating alongside my heart; wedged in my soul are all the times we connected; all our conversations; growing up together; fighting; the chemistry that danced and bounced between us tangibly and sometimes annoyingly. That is all still there but I have no touchstone. That’s all I can bear to say for now.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

that'll teach those lying whores

you want shocking. when palin was mayor of wasilla (sp?) rape victims had to pay for their own swab kits.

that'll teach ya to get raped.

Monday, September 15, 2008

yep, bob barr is borg

so, i have already presented some views on libertarianism in general in response to some political discussions with scooter. so today i started perusing bob barr's personal views and record - holy hypocritical bs batman!!

everything barr did and said and supported while in office is in direct violation of the principles of libertarianism. which i suppose is why he's disavowed all of them. changed his mind about everything in less than a decade - well, boy howdy! that seems trust worthy (insert sarcasm here). i suppose i could buy that a bit more if maybe he had some sort of life altering event or came out and said "i was a giant fathead. "

course maybe i'm just prejudiced cuz there is one thing he doesn't seem to have revoked and that is his attacks on witchcraft. and in the spirit of full disclosure let me say that he only opposed it in the military and that was because the military attempts to train " "moral soldiers," he said, "and we have always been a country that recognizes that moral foundation as coming from God--not from a tree, not from a blade of grass, not from the sun, but from God. If people want to go out on their own and worship trees or grass or the sun, they can do that. But I don't think it's appropriate for our military to say we won't draw any lines or set any standards about what people can do with military sanction." " which at it's best shows complete lack of understanding of my religion; at its worst is the type of language on which religious persecution is built.

now, perhaps you think that is overly sensitive of me so, let's just say i don't want to hire a someone who holds "the belief that a cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree"

so even if he wasn't a stinking opportunistic liar - i'd still be forced to say - fuck 'im; fuck 'im in his ear

my personal feelings aside; i called him borg because just like a democrat or a republican barr has changed his views to make himself more electable. how unique.