once there was a way to get back homeward

it's been a heavy grief day - round about 3.30 to this moment. what i wouldn't give for a callous heart. or an extra sized bottle of atavin. or maybe a life with purpose - a distraction. yeah, i know, i'm short on the making sense tonight. i told ya it's been a long afternoon. and i have a sore throat. that happened before the pathetic weepiness. i mean really.

i did make a fairly delicious dinner tonight - cavatelli with a sauce i made up; pork seasoned with dill. and we got the kid on tape singing "the malachai song" before we butchered his hair.

so when i took the kid to the eye doctor the other day i sawone of those very subtle anti-boy things. there was a renditon of the three little pigs so i read it to him. there are four characters in this story - stupid pig one with the house of straw; stupid pig two with the house of sticks; very smart and generous pig with the house of bricks who not only builds with bricks but saves the other morons and outsmarts the wolf AND finally evil and ultimately stupid wolf. guess who the only female in the story is - right - the smart and generous one. i know in the past the opposite was done to women. but that is the point why do we have to go in the other direction? it's bad enough i'm going to have to navigate the kid's childhood trying to explain about witches dammit!!

so now the endless dilemma - go to sleep and wake up knowing i should have done more or stay awake and do a little more and be more tired and distraught tomorrow. i'm fucked. i'm also watching the stand so . . .

m - o - o - n that spells fucked.