the following are some concerns expressed by republicans about sotomayor - that she wants her name pronounced correctly; that she grew up on and still enjoys "strange foods" (pig's feet etc).
there is a commercial for a local restaurant called strega. there are two giantly obese men talking like they are for goodfellas. first of all just looking at them makes me uncomfortable and i'd rather never eat again. at one point they clink glasses and just watching them i feel like i can't breathe. but anyway - they say we have three rules at strega. rule number one, you'll have the best dining experience ; rule number two you'll have the best italian food you've ever eaten and for the third rule i'm gonna let my friend vinny tell ya "what happens at strega stays at strega if you know what i mean. i very much do NOT know what the hell the man means. especially since i looked at the website and there is a whole "celebrity pics" thing. maybe i'm just annoyed because it's so over the top stereotypically italian. also, the whole obesity thing - i'm sorry but watching people who can't fit behind the table and can barely raise their arm to raise their glass --- not the best way to entice me. i know, i should invest in a real problem.
there are so many layers to why and how i miss gideon. some of them have absolutely nothing to do with him in a very real sense. i fully acknowledge that. but let's face it for the mot part grief is selfish. one thing is, when things were bad for me he was a touchstone. i don't mean in a he was a good shoulder to cry on type of way. he was a horrible shoulder to cry on - he tended to get freaked out by open expressions of non-positive emotions. in his younger years he would act like an ass in the face of them. when i reconnected with him in 2005 we were talking on his balcony / filling each other in on things. i told him about my grandmother and something else that won't be discussed here - i was a little upset and well, a lot drunk and looking at my feet. when i looked up at him, it's hard to describe the look on his face but basically i took one look and realized he really didn't want me spilling my grief all over him. but he was a touchstone in other ways - he was a constant, me and him our connection it ebbed and flowed but never ended ; he was a distraction, we're both huge flirts and loved to flirt with each other and if those weren't options we'd fight. so here i am terribly upset about something and where is he?? off fucking around somewhere in the clouds or whatever the hell dead people do. fucker.
so there- there's another little piece. you know people say things are like onions with the many different layers? this is like well, i don't know what has more fucking layers than an onion??
anyway, i shared that piece because i would like to share something that is real and is not the pretty parts of grief. you know, i do grieve his youth; what he offered the world; that little boy he loved who loved him etc etc but everyone does so why tell you about that? i'd rather tell you things i don't want to say.
i suppose i should just start writing all the different pieces down and put them all into one blog post cuz otherwise i'll likely repeat myself. i hate repeating myself. i hate repeating myself. hehe
i had to do a report my freshman year in college on a poet - do a critique of one. i chose my cousin john ciardi. he was my third cousin or so but he was pretty famous. he did pretty much the definitive translation of dante's inferno; had a show on npr about word etymology and wrote bot adult and children's poetry. up to that point i had only read his children's poetry which i kinda like. well, i took out a book on his war poetry. it was hhhhhaaaahooorrrible. the point is one of the things that made him so horrible is in the first four stanzas of his poem he'd tell you everything and then he's spend another eight telling yuo the same damned thing again. see, repeating one's self that was my point.
chained heat - i've watched five minutes of it so far hahahahahoooooly crap. ya gots to watch this. i'm gonna go let it eat my brain.
but i'll still be able to kill you with it.
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