i had a dark moment of the soul tonight. carl went to visit elliott. i took my son out to eat and we went for ice cream afterwards. as i watched him shovel strawberry ice cream into his mouth - i was sorry that i brought him into this world. not sorry to have him here - he is literally the very epitome of light and love. people that aren't us have said that about him. reminding myself how lucky i was to have him here just made me feel guiltier. then i went trifecta on myself when i realized that with thoughts like that i wasn't going to be able to teach him to have a joy for life.
as you can see it's been a rough day and since, like a night of drunken debauchery i will tomorrow regret having told you that - i don't really feel bad leaving it at that.
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