drag ass tired

last night i went to sleep around 12.30 - woke up at 3 for no good reason and then got up at 6.30 and took my son to the dentist an hour away. i did take a 20 minute nap today. so why am i not sleeping you ask?? cuz i have to wait for the calzone's to finish baking. i don't think i'm going to make it.

kim has her baby tomorrow.

NORM COLEMAN LOST - whooooo hooooo!! al franken is good enough; smart enough and gosh darn it minnesota likes him. that, btw, was my college quote in the yearbook. not that i got a yearbook but i'm in there. anyway, now if only sanford would go away. personally i hope sanford continues to linger. he's an embarrassment to the party which is an embarrassment to itself for its ongoing support. but god bless em they just don't see it that way. i almost admire these people who really do think that they are always right. who never stop to ask themselves - hmm, maybe there is another way to look at that.

and the more tired i get - the more i clench my jaw which is good news for me! that's sarcasm. i think i've found someone to see about that. he's like the tmj guru i guess - he's out of network so it could cost me a huge chunk o change but i don't know if i have much choice at this point. the problem is tmj has a lot of different answers so if i go see a oral sugeon he's gonna want to do surgery; a chiropractor etc etc i figure this guy is gonna look at it from all angles. i hope. or i'm telling myself happy bullshit and i'll spend a shitload of money to end up with no answer whooohooo (that should be read as a less excited whoohoo)

monday monday

i took one of those facebook quizzes - which character from little house on the prairie are you? i ended up with caroline ingalls. so a friend that i've known pretty much my whole life (since i was 3) writes back - i've always thought of you as carrie. now, i'm not entirely sure what she meant. she could have meant that i was the youngest of her and her sister and i really grew up with this family. i was sorta like a sister. anyway, i couldnt' remember much about carrie so i looked her up to jog my memory. now, i looooooooved little house on the prairie. watched it - my mother used to make fun of me for crying over it and read all the books. so how did i miss that there was a "cassandra ingalls"???? one of the kids they picked up; adopted. albert's kid sister. oh, albert.

so the gay community and its supporters are upset with obama for his defense of dama and dadt. i'm not thrille dmyself. he says we'll be happy by the time he leaves office. anyway, a friend on FB posted something about it and one of his friends jumped all over it how obama is a liar etc. what i notice is that by and large right wingers really have no middle ground. bush was their guy so no matter what fucknut thing he did - he was still the guy. obama could turn our houses into solid gold and teach us all to shit icecream and he would still be a douchebag in their minds. anyway - so far his promise kept outweigh his promises broken. with his promises still open outweighing both but hey, not even half a year in that seems about right. oh, and before you think this is a pro-obama site - there is a promise they list as a compromise "no family making less than 250k will see a tax increase" - it is listed as a compromise because of the increase in cigarette tax. http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/promises/

okay - i gotta take the kid to the dentist at crackoassoclock

still sore today. perhaps even more sore. yes, more sore. which was very disappointing. after moving a ton of shit out of the house for the yard sale i was really looking forward to doing a giant cleaning but truthfully i'm barely able to walk properly and that's on heavy medication. le sigh.

i'm going to have a banana split sundae in a few minutes - when i'm done with this so you'll excuse me if i don't spend a lot of time on this.

so i found this guy on facebook from high school. in high school he was the only guy i thought of as openly gay. he has now become an obsessive catholic. i'm so very confused by life.

i think i'm going to have to find and kill the skunk that lives around here.

i've begun to adjust to this new life - the sorta redefinition i guess. sans gideon. i wouldn't say i'm okay with it. but i've stopped thinking there is an answer.

here's something to make you scratch your head

even more wiped out today

we had the yard sale. probably one of the least successful i have ever had. i think in part because there was an overload of them. there's been so much rain that this was the first good weekend so i think everyone took the opportunity. anyway, at least we got rid of some stuff. we'll have another one in four weeks or so so i can clear everything else out of our house.

in other exciting news i fell down the basement stairs. so i have some pain in my . . . everything. i hit my ankle and my thigh primarily but as the day has gone on i'm realizing my writst and back are not okay as well as my other leg etc etc so i'm gonna take a bath and hope that a good night's sleep will do more to mend me than to stiffen me up.

at the moment i am watching dukes of hazzard the movie and wondering what the hell it has to do with the television show. can you picture bo calling luke his "bff" on the show. and no, that is not most eggressious example.

yard sale

we are having one tomorrow and so i must go and paint signs and unshovel things from my basement. the idea - clear out everything i have already stacked up and then start cleaning out the rest of the house and stacking it back int he basement. have another yeard sale at the end of the summer and you know - get rid of every damned thing i own cuz i'm sick of looking at it.

let you know how it goes

oh - tonight my son first said that something in a nature magazine looked very delicate like his crab (he has a horseshoe crab shell we found at the beach) and then was looking at pictures of fireflies and said "the fireflies are like a poem" how cool is that.

way cooler than the skunk that lives around here i'll tell you that.

wristcutters: a love story

that is the name of the bizarre movie i am watching.

so michael jackson is dead. poor farrah got her limelight stolen. i'm a little sad about mj but it feels a little weird to be broken up over a pedophile. maybe his youngest will have some change his name finally - blanket is nothing to call a child. not that i believe those kids are his even for a second. OH and i totally forget - both his sons are named "prince michael". his daughter of course is "paris michael". seriously, i'm not being flippant - this could be the best thing that ever happened to those kids. if it isn't too late for them already.

so obama is on my poop list a bit. he said he supported the repeal of doma(defense of marriage act - btw, i find that wording as annoying as callimg the anti-choicers pro-life but his administration argued in defense of it- comparing same sex marriage to incest and pedophilia. and he hasn't touched dadt(don't ask don't tell)

so i got an email today. apparently there is a restaurant called casa d'ice and the guy puts his opinions on his billboard. of course he's a nutjob. although not entirely right wing - he seems to hate them all. he is very stuck on the spanish speaking thing. so the irony is he doesn't seem to be capable of speaking proper english himself - or spelling anything correctly http://casadice.com/signs/index.htm
one of the most interesting of his billboards suggested that if things kept up the way they were february would be white history month. and i say - who cares? brown us all up baby! plus to listen to these people being a minority is equivalent to having the whole country wait on you hand and foot so don't we want to be minorities?

i'm sorry to keep up the ranting but i really feel like . . . i told someone today i keep feeling like i should keep checking in the dictionary to see if they have removed the word logic.

more and more crazy people

so i'm not even going to go into the whole fox turns sanford into a democrat because he went crazy pants. not because it doesn't piss me off - oh it does. but really - what's the point. fox wouldn't know integrity if it sat in their laps and called them momma.

anyway- here's a lesser known nutrage (outrage + nutcase). pastor wiley drake who has been using imprecatory prayer to wish for the death of president obama. i guess he found his own answer to what jesus would do. he has publicly prayed for this on national radio three times. but it's okay because he used a ratio system - apparently its okay as long as you only use imprecatory prayer 2% of the time (btw - that means a curse but see even they know that "curse" is not such a christian word). what do you suppose would have happened if an islamic mullah had prayed for bush's death. BAH! too aggravated.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH

i'm gonna move to . . . well, really, all the other first world countries are a little less crazy at the moment. i'm being flippant, well, a little but really - i love my country; what it's supposed to be - i just fear that we are getting so far off path that i don't know how we'll ever make it back.

seriously this is too damned boring

about once a year since i was 14 i get these little bumps on me. particularly in between my fingers. when i was younger it was intense. we actually went to the doctor at one point. they had no idea - said i must be allergic to something. but it doesn't come at the same time every year and every year it gets less intense.

so i got more crazy right wing "humor" emails this morning. from a friend who said she couldn't read my blog any more because of my politic opinions. i think right wingers just aren't as used to hearing opposition to their views. again i say - we liberals need to be far more 'in your face'. if you do happen to be reading this my friend - i'm not mad about it and you are one of my most favorite people in the world which i don't say lightly. but none of that changes the fact that friends and coworkers alike seem to see nothing wrong with sending me these emails that range from silly to straight out insults (you don't agree with the war then you hate the troops - that kind of shit). anyway, meanwhile, just as an example, a bunch of people are having a chat about how 'blacks get away with everything' in the lunch room and when i (finally) say "oh yeah, it's easy being black" then I'M the one who is controversial. grrrrrr

so i'll give you a good example of stuff i think but don't send emails about - yes, "under god" should be removed from the pledge of allegiance. why? because we are NOT one nation under god. we are one nation under the constitution. the preamble states that our creator endowed us with certain rights after that point the creator is removed from the equation because among those rights we were given the right to ignore said creator if we so choose. we are a nation joined together by laws and those laws apply to godless as well. i am horrified to think how many people think that the godless are not entitled to freedom and liberty. even worse is the idea that those with a different god are entitled to nothing. it was 1954 when it was changed - thank you joe mccarthy. there are anti-choice advocates who want to add "born and unborn" to the end of the pledge. i really might have to leave if that happens. the best part is that these people really feel like they are the ones being oppressed. it is a clear point of law that no one should have to say "under god" -as i know i told you before i stopped when i was 9 years old and i was HYPER christian then. but children are forced to say it in public school. and people argue all the time - it isn't forcing religion well, if you don't think saying it promotes religion then why worry about it. one email i got on the subject said that 90% of people believe in god and that's what makes it all right (and ends with 'the rest of you can sit down and shut the fuck up'). the thing that is so great about this country is that even minorities are given rights.

okay - let me move on now. kim gives birth . . . hmm, can you still call it that with a baby that big? next week. i was supposed to go visit but i don't think i am now. a little bit because it concerns me to bring my child to a place where her cousin was held at gunpoint and another reason to be disclosed later but the point is i'm disappointed that i won't be seeing the gigantic child in person.

one more political thing - when the HELL is norm coleman gonna give it a rest. good goddess man - oh, and the GOP has spent nearly a million to help him take that seat illegally. all of a sudden all that anti-acorn talk means nothing.

think i should buy a raffle ticket from the franciscans?

alright - see ya- i must gather some energy so i can GET SOMETHING DONE!! it isn't like i do nothing and yet - i drown. le sigh.

the scifi channel is insane

you know a lot of people spend a great deal of time telling me about me. or commenting about me in my presence. more so than most people i know. for some reason i tend to invite this kind of commentary. anyway, most of it tends to center around things like "no one tells her." and yet somehow they seem to miss the irony that they are in fact standing there telling me while i say nothing. i mean seriously people - do i look like i'm in control of my life? do you think i hand picked this?

anywhoo - remember that letter i wrote serena? never sent it. i don't know why i do that. probably the same reason i never call anyone. what can i say - i suck.


two poems:

poem untitled one:
Empirically today is no colder
But the air is a sharpened blade
Smelling of nothing but the nothingness
And those memories we insulate with

The physical stagnates so that the meta can viciously abort itself

poem untitled two:

the echo of my heartbeat
is the silence of yours



ironically, poem one is the one i feel is missing something. it takes a huge leap. it's as though i am afraid to commit to its depths.

that is all - you are dismissed. and next time bring cake!!

when i woke up this morning - you were on my mind; you were on my mind

cuz i forgot to do the damned thing. i can't believe it. i literally never once thought of this blog yesterday.

i got some more things out of the basement yesterday for the yard sale that we are planning on having next weekend that we damned well could have had this weekend. saturday was supposed to be pouring rain but of course it was beautiful. and next saturday is supposed to be beautiful so there you go.

my cousin joe came to visit, which was a surprise. okay, it really wasn't that much of a surprise if i had remembered like three weeks ago when he told me he would be here for father's day weekend. but when you can't remember shit - everything is a surprise. it was a good visit and omigod he makes me laugh and i crack myself up when i talk to him.

so gotta go see the father today. the child's father is still sleeping. and the child is painting pictures for father's day. cuz god forbid i plan ahead.

cripes - i almost forgot

almost forgot to do this.

today's rant is this - they tried to pass a resolution that would condemn what was done to dr. tiller. to just say violence is not an okay means to accomplish your ends. it was blocked. there were no added jail times attached to it - no penalties. nothing. just a statement to say, bad idea. i know there are peole who believe that killing abortion doctors is jusitifiable. honestly, i get the sentiment. if i thought abortion was equivalent to murder i might feel the same way. but every one could find their own damned reason to kill others. which is exactly the reason i can not abide the death penalty but at least with the death enalty there is a consensus not an individual's will. at the very least these people could condemn killing people in FREAKING CHURCH!!

here's the article if you are interested - i'm sure you aren't, sigh http://shaheen.senate.gov/news/press/release/?id=81f40de1-8882-4dfb-ac55-9055caa7d3ef
this is the resolution
(1) Expresses great sympathy for the family, friends and patients of Dr. George Tiller;
(2) Recognizes that acts of violence should never be used to prevent women from receiving reproductive health care; and
(3) Condemns the use of violence as a means of resolving differences of opinion.

i'm sure you can see the controversy

i swear i really would have preferred to not live in such puritanical times. i hope for more sanity for my child.

so no yard sale again tomorrow with all the rain. i must get all this shit out of my house.

migraine migraine migraine - - good chat.

i are getting sleepy

i'm so sleepy i'm almost sick.

happy litha - well, a few more days but litha circle was tonight.

my son told me tonight - 'you have eyes just like mine'. i just want to squish him into cookies and munch on him.

from 1991 - 2003 teen pregnancy rates went down. then the abstinence only program went into effect and it is back on the rise again. anyone who thinks absinence only is a good program, please raise your hand. thank you; i like to know where all the irrational people are from the get go.

peppermint stick icecream - mmmmm

i really need some energy. a lot of it.

maybe moer poetry tomorrow or prose.

yeah, this is good for my tmj

why is it impossible for me to get recognition, acknowledgement - whatever.

david letterman - how crazy are people to get upset over what he says. the right wing nuts are really starting to work my nerves. my favorite was in one story about it someone said "i only watch fox news" so is she comparing news and comedians? whenever i read the news i feel like falter back and forth between being blind with rage and just shrugging and saying whatever. i don't mind arguments taht are contrary to mine - i'm just so sick of hypocrisy and the lack of sound arguments.

grumble grumble grumble

:D

the moral of the poem

when i was in college i wrote the following poem and subsequently performed it a few times - i don't mean read it; i mean *performed* it. stayed tuned after - my point here is about the poem not the poem itself. one final thing - while it pains me greatly i will not be editing this.

What Do You Call It?

When at fourteen a man asks for your number and he's twenty five you are supposed to be too flattered to refuse and later you try to explain you can't go out with him and he says int he child's offended voice, "Whatever, I just figured I could take you out and show you how to treat a man."

You would think you might learn to stick up for yourself.

Especially whent htat same year a man of twenty seven hits on you and your mom and friend assure you he's, "being friendly, it's cute" and then he corners you and, while his hand weaves in the chain on your not yet breasts, asks you for drinks so you tell him how old you are and he says, "So you don't drink beer?"

At this point your voice should burst out of you.

But you've gone mute to the point that on your sixteenth birthday you get to make out with (Omigod) Billy Sutherland who spends the whole night tryin to wrestle into your pants and then storms out and you laugh nervous embarrassment trying to shake his words out of you head, "You aren't very responsive."

Oh, you want to be angry.

You would be if only you weren't consued with such shame that later that year your boyfriend, the man of your dreams, raped you and you couldn't even call it that, sure this was different from all that media hype - after all, he was _the one_, and you could still hear his voice echo in soft cadences of "I love you."

You didn't think you could get hit again. Bang.

You are the perfect target and your next boyfriend, the real soulmate of your life, who you are positive is different drives you to college, kissees your cheek and actually admits that he was so threatened by your leaving he thought about "getting you pregnant, so you would have to stay and marry me."

Which is so insane, it's surely time to protest.

But you don't cause waves not even when some post pubescent crawls all over you with what he considers poetic seduction and fumlbes around causeless not paying the slightest bit of attentio to your reactions or lack thereof, comes in spasms and rolls over to ask, "Did I do you up or shall I continue?"

The word no is in your vocabulary - use it.

But it's always easier to say yes and when a man you barely know asks you to go for a drive you don't want to be mean so you climb in his car and things go as things go and he sucks your breast as you detach yourself from it and give it over for the simple price of a smile and "I'll call you"

I am positive you could attempt being rude.

But there aren't words in our programming. There is only some nameless passivity of discontentment we find clawing at our sternums, company to the doubt that we will stop it next time and the paralysis of knowing hat there will be a next time. But mostly there is the fear of wondering if the next time will follow, "I do."

my favorite thing about this poem is that one of the stanzas was about a guy in the poetry class and i got to read it to the class with him sitting there. what can i say - what i think is funny . . . actually little side story my favorite poem i ever wrote for that class was a collection of all the bizarre shit that people in the class had said. but i have dIgressed; back to my point.

so after the first time i performed it - or maybe it was the last. or maybe it was both come to think of it. anyhoo - a whole crapload of women came up to tell me how they could relate and i gave voice to their experience yadda yadda yadda. i'm sorry - i don't mean to yadda yadda but it was soooo heavy on the victimization and the what has been done to. i agree there was definitely that element to it but what really annoyed me is that the BIGGEST message was personal responsibility. the idea of what we allow. i get that the other stuff was there and all but no one seemed to click on for even a minute that i was criticizing the "you" that i was addressing. very annoying.

that's it. that was my whole point. just didn't feel like talking about politics or gideon or my . . . well, i always want to talk about my kid.

goodnight and good luck

and he gets back in my good graces

obama told a group of doctor's today that setting limits on lawsuits was unfair and they needed to stop practicing defensive medicine. and i know everyone thinks this is horrible and frivolous lawsuits. let me tell you just how much crap that all is. actually, i would need to dedicate and entire afternoon. today i will say this - most cases lawyers won't even take. cases that make it to court - juries are 85 - 90% likely to side with the doctor. i'll regale you with facts and figures some other time. but yeah, so far he has only done a ocuple of things that have annoyed me and only one of them a lot - not that i really think there was much he could have done about that.

i went ot see a new physical therapist today. it woas just the eval. we'll see what happens. they are supposed to try to do something about my jaw too. i suppose sleeping might help.

so i will.

not tonight kids

i am exhausted and have just finished doing about 6 hours of work from home. whoo hoo - loving life.

i did some reading today though about the fishermen's plight in gloucester. a 400 year old industry. so i'll be sharing more about that tomorrow. if i still find it interesting tomorrow.

plus new pt early tomorrow morning.

have i ever mentioned before that buried very very very deep i have some quality rage? this haircut isn't helping.

i was unable to successfully use the link button

last night i dreamt that gideon told me he was dying something to do with his liver and i asked if he couldn't have a transplant and he said "from who" like who on earth would help him and i said "well, i would give you part of mine - don't they only need part? i don't know that we are the same blood type but . . ." i urged him to ask the doctor and he was noncommittal. i hate these dreams. i wake up forgetting. i really can't begin to explain how painful it is to have to tell myself over and over again.

that's the only piece of my soul i have for you today - here is more on my ongoing 'how i feel about bailouts' diatribe. i said yesterday i'd look more into uaw and i did. not done - there is more to be found but.

before i go into it let me point out here that any criticism of the union is not intended to excuse management. the argument against management is obvious. no one has argued against managements culpability. and actually, for the most part i don't give a shit about whether the uaw is culpable either except for the arguments, and now reality, that we should pay for them to keep their jobs.

so i keep digging. if nothing else - tell me this; the uaw is 'not to blame' and 'shouldn't be punished'. why should the rest of us? what is my responsibility? hell, the only brand new car i ever bought i bought american. from the people who were brought in specifically to close the gap. the car made it to less than 150k miles; 9 years - course 2 of those it was almost never driven what with the leg and all. the engine seized. i was told somewhere around 100k that "oh, well, yes, the car begins to burn oil at an increasing rate as the miles increase". also, the car company that is all about customer service - consistently arrogant and rude. and my story is much better than kim's.

so here's one article i found
very clear; intriguing and i think full of intelligent arguments:
http://www.sundaypaper.com/More/Archives/tabid/98/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/3507/Whats-wrong-with-the-Detroit-bailout.aspx

i will highlight only one piece here:
"While outwardly preaching free-market values, President Ronald Reagan quietly sent a trade emissary to Japan in 1981 and used diplomatic counterweights in the region to pressure Japan to adopt voluntary export restraints, or VER. He had, without being widely known for it, instituted a form of protectionism and, ultimately, it would not be good for America."

it also goes into the fact that the biggest reason for the post ww2 glory days is that most of europe was incapacitated and japan well, we brought them to their knees.

i have, as yet, been unable to find the worker's rules book though a lot of articles refer to it. i did find the uaw contract from september 2008 where they gave themselves not only a raise but a retroactive one; as well as an equity adjustment. i'm a little unclear on the distinction. to ask workers to take one for the team over and over is unfair. to expect that they might take one for the team during the begging to washington - not nearly as unreasonable.

i did find one article with arguments that the uaw was not in any way to blame and in the interest of fairness i will include it here
http://dissidentvoice.org/2009/06/an-auto-gant-falls-and-workers-pay-the-price/ in the interest of snarkiness i will point out that the author writes for "socialist worker". in my opinion, most of the article is overly emotional and didn't sway me. the one good point she does make (or he - whatever) is that gm should really be focusing this money on the next step in transport. oh, and also, that this is somehow obama's fault. there wasn't much he could have done given what he inherited.

omega3 pills make your burps taste like salmmon

so it occurred to me that i hope i don't go senile - i constantly think of things like "what if i said . .. " and generally it is the worst possible thing anyone could ever say. i don't mean mildly inappropriate i mean irrevocable damage. so i fear i will get old, go senile and these things will pop into the forefront of my brain.

the dropkick murphy's and aerosmith are doing a show together and i dont' think i can go.

so, i was waiting around in a store today and picked up a copy of 'the economist' on the cover "Detroitosaurus Wrecks". none of this is meant to incite you mark, this captures my mind and these are my opinions. they made some arguments that in fact the uaw may bear some responsibility on the near collapse of the industry. so now i need to look into it. one of the arguments is that their onerous regulations prevented the company from innovation and efficiency. in terms of what they meant by onerous regulations - the economist cites that the uaw's labor conditions is 5000 pages long. that nearly rivals the tax code. ah, here's the paragraph "
More than scraps
The second is that those blue-collar workers bear much of the responsibility for their own fate. This is particularly true in the car industry, which tended to set the pattern for much of the rest of the American economy. Trade unions frequently hampered their industries with rules that blocked more flexible and productivity-boosting manufacturing techniques (the United Auto Workers’ book of work rules ran to 5,000 pages). They also imposed unsustainable costs on their industries. In 1970 400,000 car workers—one in every 200 workers in America—went on strike for two months in order to wring job-destroying concessions out of GM. John Updike’s Harry Angstrom passed a hard verdict on this sort of self-indulgence in “Rabbit is Rich”: “Seems funny to say it, but I’m glad I lived when I did. These kids coming up, they’ll be living on table scraps. We had the meal.”
and the link to the overall story http://www.economist.com/world/unitedstates/displaystory.cfm?story_id=13783060

as i said i will need to do more research but the thing i am most interested in exploring - unions were created to ward off abuse of power; at what point do the unios begin to abuse their power and at what cost and to whom.

i got my hair cut today. i look ridiculous - he cut like 2 inches off and its humid so my hair is curled like crazy. i look like well, i'll think of an analogy tomorrow.

INFP

that's my personality type. well, one of my personalities is anyway. ;)

i did finally write that letter to serena - i suppose i should look into the whole idea of sending it now.

twizzlers

thirst

i had something to tell you guys today. shite.

i can tell you that it isn't easy to buy a baby gift for someone who gets rid of her registry - GOOBER.


oh crap - i'll tell you this; my bid to forget work once i get home has worked so well that i just remember i have a ridiculous amount to do tomorrow and i have to leave early. grrrrr

timing and all

just while i was on my little rant about tiller comes this beauty - love it!!




there is also a good article (not well written though) about the fact that scott roeder is not being charged as a terrorist. he is in fact being allowed to issue further threatening statements to the press from his jail cell. yeah, this country is gonna crack down on terrorism. as long as the terrorist has dark skin and prays to a different god than us.

why is there no douchebag emoticon

seriously it would save me so much time

the fallout of tiller's murder continues. it's sick. http://www.prospect.org/cs/articles?article=the_compassion_of_dr_tiller
that link is to just one article singing tiller's praises. the man's motto was "trust women". there are now only two doctors in the united states who do late term abortions. so i guess killing people who already made it out of the womb is okay. you know what they say - beware those who care about you before you are born and after you are dead and don't give a fuck abou tyou in between. but hey, you can't argue with results. maybe thats how we need to fight for choice. we could start picking off operation rescue (*please realize this is meant sarcastically) it is just horribly annoying that they are actually winning through terrorism. they are the reason that there were only 3 doctors in the country doing this.

friggin liberals are simply lazy. at this point i would welcome a *gay agenda*. why not we have to put up with propaganda for some of the most ridiculous shit from the other side. if liberals want to get aywhere it is high time we embraced violence and fear mongering.

okay i'm done. no fear mongering - definitely no violence. maybe just blame the next natural disaster on rush limbaugh?? oh, who has actually annnounced he will not be doing business in new york any longer because he has been audited every year for the last 12. maybe we (massachusetts) can see what we can do about jay severin. just a thought

yesterday was really difficult. just when i think i'm done crying about it i . . . well, i'm not.

happy birthday gideon

it was a beautiful day in massachusetts to turn 40 - wish you woulda stuck around to do so. funny both you and my father - both geminis "i'll be dead before i'm 40" my father thought you had no follow through.

i unfortunately couldn't find a version with just the beatles - this is one of the few songs i ever heard gideon refer to as a favorite. even though at the time he ws 18 and called it a 'current favorite'. whatever - it's a good song anyway.



it's been a very long day and to top it all off i had to make a huuuuuge decision today. uck. then i drove around for hours to places we used to go while we were still children. when everything was different. driving, weeping and trying to come to this decision that has nothing to do with driving or gideon. UCK UCK UCK

when all else fails . . . back to buffy

yes, i have returned to watching my buffy dvd's for lack of good television and the strength / ambition to pursue anyting else. i am literally nearly unable to physically move my body. i went from extraordinary pain to complete fatigue today and i've slept most of the day away. when i wasn't sleeping / i was eating. whoohoo

the boy watched the circle last night with the most puzzled look on his face. every once in a while you would hear "what are you guys doing?" followed by "are you guys all done" he really is so damned cute i can't stand it.

initiation

tonight was my initiation. i am exhausted. floaty head too. and my ankle is kakakakakilling me. but all in all it went well. supposedly this floaty will last for a few days. that's it. that's all i got. maybe i will have something coherent on the subject tomorrow. the boy watched but didn't join.

i made parmesans ; salad - carl made bread ; libra brought lasagna ; oh, i made zucchini and alex brought cookies and ice cream. everything was delicious. in fact if i could move i'd get more lasagna and ice cream even though eating makes me a little sick at the moment.

not a single coherent thought.

i'm eating rolos

i am so very bored with this whole blogging process.

my laziness knows no bounds. seriously i am one of the laziest people i know. not intellectually. i refuse to think things just because they match how i feel or anything really unles i turn it over and over and over. and even once i make up my mind i can be convinced. (none of this is a shot scooter - our conversation brought this into my head but i'm not insulting you). but that logic muscle / debating thingie - that's just been instilled in me for so long that it's nearly reflex. my father never let me take anything at face value. eeeeever. starting at age four or so. when i hit early teens we used to stay up all night talking philosophy and sematics. i miss that so much. that's why i miss college too. i belonged to this chatroom for a couple of years - an antifeminist chatroom where feminist and misogynists argued back and forth ad nauseam. both camps yelled at me a lot. i felt i was doing something right. it's reassuring to be hated by extremists. but all the same it eventually grew tiresome. but obviously my laziness with punctuation and structure is something i'm comfortable with. rainbow twists twizzler - icky icky icky even rolos aren't getting the taste out of my mouth.

there is a crazy fb story to tell you but some other time.

my initiation is tomorrow and there is going to be next to no one there. on an up note carl made my caftan which is kinda nifty. well, i mean it's nifty that he made it. i'll have to let you know if it itself is nifty.

why is it so damned cold in june?

with any luck next weekend we will be having a huge yard sale. i can not wait to empty my house out.

big oozy piles of crap

my belly hurts - worry and inspires chip eating but chip and anxiety don't make a happy stomach. i suppose i should have considered eating actual food.

yesterday carl took the kid to the beach up the street. he said the water and sand go together like a puzzle. in two years he is going to realize we are idiots.

i have had so much to do these last few days. i'm supposed to be working right now. hopefully i wake up early cuz it's supposed to be done. ugh.

this is going to be the longest week or two.

sleepy.

i'm still flabbergasted by the whole anti same sex marriage thing. two of my facebook friends posted against it today. well, they are more extended family not friends but still - i just want to shake them by their little shoulders.

carl just brought me a caprese salad ---- mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm buh bye

i really can't do this tonight

i have something weighing on me right now and i just can't -

if you are in need of something to read - earlier i put a very lengthy response to yesterday's blog, that's gotta count for something.

what a shame

so obama has finally annoyed me - this whole gm thing. bad enough the government owns a private business - couldn't we own a business that didn't suck. what the hell did they do with that gigantic chuck of cash we *just* gave them. and yes, bush set this in motion but obama could have refused to have nothing to do with it but nooooooo

now, one problem that he inherited that there wasn't much he could do about at least not immeditaely is iraq. and we could really use those troops to go after that fucking nutcase in korea that we should have gone after years ago.

where are our floating cars and our transporting machines? just asking.

i sincerely haven't a clue how i might go about meeting my obligations this week. i need a bail out.

boiled frogs

there's a dude on the jon stewart show who did a special and a book about environmental crap / global warming etc. gives the example of a frog in a pot of water - if the frog starts in cold water and you warm it up slowly it doesn't know when it is in danger. i have no idea if that is true but it's an interesting concept. anyway, he made the point that i have said before. the earth will stay here - no matter what we do. it maybe have to kick us off to continue but it will survive.

i had my review today. it didn't suck as much as i thought it would. i tactually wasn't bad.

i have got to figure out what the hell is up with me and these headaches good goddess my eyes are gonna pop right the eff out.

alright this is short because i have a lot of work to do. yes, now.