Labor of Lo . . . Pure cussedness

They started pitocin at 2 because I fell. Still waiting. Does blogging in labor make up for missing saturday?

i can not believe

that i haven't had this kid yet. my cousin - the one who didn't know she was pregnant for 7 months and was due the same day as me and has a serious girlfriend .. . yeah, she had her baby - three days ago. so basically she was pregnant (insofar as she knew) for about 7 weeks - WTF. i'm actually not feeling as bitter about it as i'm jmaking it sound.

i have managed to get almost all my proverbial ducks in a row, a loosely assembled row it's true, but hell - they're ducks what are ya gonna do.

OH --- my boy can do word problem subtraction. he and my mother went through the dunkin donuts drive thru. he heard my mother order three munchkins. as they drove he asked for one and then the other. finally he asked for another and my mother told him that there weren't any more. he says - yes there is - one more left. my mother said how do you know - he says you got three and i ate two. screw chinsabop man - all we need is munchkins.

we decorated the xmas tree today. friggin xmas. i'm just saying - anyway, his teacher at school has basically been bullying us into providing a family picture - so here it is - i look like a giant green whale

grrrr

i wish people would stop telling me they have a feeling i'm going into labor because the truth is - i don't think i'm ever going into labor.

the boy and the father got the tree today. if you know me you know i'm not really a fan but it's nice. we took out some of the xmas stuff too and the boy slept with the stuffed santa we have and his book of course. normally he just sleeps with books like they were teddy bears. what can i say - he's an odd kid. OH and he did his own buttons tonight on his pajama top

i'm only one woman dammit

i can't spend much time with you today my friends. we are working on names.

adara
Adira
Alannah
alessandra
Alexis
althea
Amira
andreana
annabel
annalisa
Annorah
Anya
Anyanka
Arabelle
Arela
ariela
ariya
Avaline
Belinda
bethany
Brieanna
Brighid
Brigitte
caitlin
caitrin
camille
caragh
Catriona (Katrina)
Cessair
Charissa
Coralee
cordelia
Corinna
Dalila
danae
danika
daria
darianda
Davina
Dechtire
deidre
Delaine
delia
demara
Devnet
diella
Drusilla
faith
Genevieve
gianna
guinevere
Gwendolyn
hazel
iphigenia
Isabel
isabella
jacinda
jacqueline
jamie
janessa
jayden
jezebel
jocasta
joie
josephine
juliet
kaia
Kara
Kareena
katarina
katya
kaya
Kaydee
kayla
kayla
kaylee
Kaylin
Keiara
Kerrin
Kerwiin
Laina
Lavena
leandra
Leannan
Lenore
letitia
Lilah
Lilibeth
lilly- lilly anne
Linette
Lorelei
lucinda
lysandra
magdalene
marissa
melissa
moira
Nessa
Priscilla
reanna
rhea
rhiannon
roisin
Rosaleen
rosalind
rose
Roxanne
Sabina
sabrina
saffron
Samantha
Saraid
seachlan
Seanna
Serafin
Serena
Sitara
Sorcha
Sorina
starling
stephanie
sybil
Tabitha
tahlia
talullah
Tamara
tamsin( tem-sheen)
tatanya
teagan
Teressa
toireasa
Vanessa
veronica
winifred

not today either

i had to go have a non-stress test today. i won't walk you through all the details but there seemed to have been less movement. anyway, apparently all was well - unfortunately not a single contraction in sight. big surprise - the first kid i thought would be late was two weeks early. this one? well, i didn't think i would go really early but everyone else was surprised to see me even make it out of november and here we are - if the kid came today it'd only be about a week early. i thought the second one was supposed to come earlier dammit!!

giant baby update

two weeks to go - 9 pounds - no dilation - no reason to assume the end is in sight AIGH


so i keep thinking of the delivery. and the things that go through my mind are the fears, looking forward to moving again - idk doing a pushup or going for a walk and who i will be calling. and who i won't be calling. i keep remembering gideon's emails when malachai was born. he was so excite dof rme and he was never excited. and then months later he told me "more than any other woman i know motherhood hasn't really changed you. maybe it's because you always were a mom" when you adore someone watching them be a parent can boost your love for them. the people who i felt reacted this way with me - - it was like a giant hug and gideon was right there near the top of the list. the crying has started again in the last few days. i just can't keep doing this. and i can't stop either. i really feel like i've stepped into a whole new life. like my history has been erased. sigh.

iwould like to stay up and watch men of a . .. OOOOO i HAVE TIVO!!!! whooohooooo :) still a couple of things we haven't figured out about it but i think i have this one

just a couple more days . ..

that's all i need. mostly eerything is done but just a couple more days. lol. i'm laughing because i'm not sure that my request for just a couple days is eer going to go away. both kids will be living on their own before i do everything that i think i need to do to prepare. sigh. but honestly i got a number of things done today. my whole body is hurting badly but this is the price i suppose. tomorrow i see the doctor who will check and see if i have begun to dilate or not. i'm not optimistic.

AND i managed to write three outstanding emails today and call my aunt. YAY for me - i shall reward myself by NOT falling asleep in front of the computer screen . . . yet again

snow snow snow

i hate the stuff - quite a bit in fact.

massage tomorrow - THANK GODDESS

must contact soooo many people - blech

keep remembering that i have forgotten to post pictures here - i said there would be pictures



poor brendan fraser - he really is a good actor -watch gods and monsters - but good lord he picks the worst movies EVER

we are taking the boy to see santa claus tomorrow - company christmas party. i am not looking forward to going myself but he loves it; they do a marionette show and brunch and crafts and santa comes. uck. i'm nauseous just thinking about it. and then tomorrow night i need to go to bed at like 7 because i'm going to have to squeeze as much work into next week as possible. assuming i have more time than next week might be ridiculously optimistic. hell, it might be optimistic to assume i have next week. monday i go in and have an ultrasound and they check my cervix. i have been getting slight back cramps here and there for the last two days; no the hip pain from before more like a period pain. i know- you're riveted. look, considering, i've been pregnant for like seven years now i think i have done pretty well sparing you all the GORY details.

if i ever end up in a syfy movie - i would prefer not to be eaten by the dinosaur, kay?

people annoy me

mostly on the internet. i tend to make the mistake that there are honest conversations to be had; there aren't. there's flame flame and more flame. sigh. that's all i have to say about that. feeding energy into a power suck and all.

so i have reached that stage of pregnancy where the swelling doesn't go away just because i put my leg up. my hands are swelly; i'm dehydrated and this kid is kicking my ass!! well, okay, not technically my ass but you know what i'm saying.

also, and i'm really really hoping this is a resurgence with the pregnancy hormones . . . i miss gideon so much. i feel so alone when i think of him. this seriously better go away.

i now officially have everything i need to welcome this kid into the world. well, except the nerve to go through this whole birthing thing again. i wasn't really worried about it initially - the last time it went alright but then i started thinking about it . . . nothing has gone as well as it went last time dammit!!!!

um, why is alyson hanigan doing commercials?? it's wrong. oh, and lovely lovely dollhouse was on again. oh, joss!!

in other douchebag news: http://www.commercialappeal.com/news/2009/dec/04/mayor-fires-at-obama-online/
the dude claims that obama timed his speech to interrupt the charlie brown xmas special. here's what he said:
"Ok, so, this is total crap, we sit the kids down to watch 'The Charlie Brown Christmas Special' and our muslim president is there, what a load.....try to convince me that wasn't done on purpose. Ask the man if he believes that Jesus Christ is the Son of God and he will give you a 10 minute disertation (sic) about it....w...hen the answer should simply be 'yes'...."

and here are all the problems with the accusation as well as what he said
1. a charlie brown christmas is the height of your christian holiday?? THAT's your simple

2. the man is a friggin christian - hell, weren't you all pissed off at his "racist" christian preacher (for an explanation of why that is in quotes refer to my earlier rant about the difference between racism and prejudice)

3. i have never heard anyone ask him or him answer the question does he believe jesus christ is the son of god

4. let's pretend that scenario is true - WHY are we asking our president that question - why does htat matter??!!

5. again pretending the scenario is true - it isn't enough for these people that he be a christian / he has to be their kind of christian. people have different interpretations of who jesus was etc etc

6. and this is the most important: SO WHAT IF HE IS AN EFFING MUSLIM??? HOW IS THAT AN ISSUE.

- - - - i hear this all the time and say, no, he's a christian. and then i'm upset at myself for saying that. because the answer is - WHO CARES!!! is it a crime to be a muslim now?? is that really where we are at??? i know it's where we are at - i just can't stand it!!

oh, and one final aside (slight tangent) about that article - is there nothing that the man is doing policy wise for you to be pissed off about?? we have to make up shit about religion and birthplace and yadda yadda yadda. i mean, hell, i'm basically a supporter and i'm pissed off about some actual issues (DADT / DOMA)

so there - there are more people who annoyed me. some of them on the internet / some of them being reported about on the internet - - - you'd think i'd be smart enough to stay off the internet ;)

i can taste you on my lips

i have done far too much thinking, talking and researching today to have anything left to say here


the clothe diaper lady came today. we are going to try using a service. with malachai his skin was too sensitive and washing the diapers here didn't help but there was no service that did our area back then. so we'll see how it goes.

lidocane tomorrow - YAY

so i had begun to think that my stuffy nose etc. was going on too long and i remember another friend complaining when she was pregnant . . . turns out it's called pregnancy rhinitis. OH JOY - because i haven't had every other issue in the world. "Symptoms of pregnancy rhinitis usually resolve on their own within two weeks of labor and delivery." FANTAB



yeah, yeah, i know - mainstream for them but still . . . <3 it

a very good day / a very poor night

i got presents today :)


but i had a lot to do tonight but i didn't get most of it done because someone remeinded me that i still don't have a name for this kid. so i have spent literally hours scouring for a name and i still have nothing and nothing has been done. and all carl wants to do is bring up names i hate - the same ones over and over. AIGH i'm starting to freak out.

the clothe diaper service lady comes tomorrow. i think she's a little batshit but . . . eh. actually, i am just starting to grasp the scope of how busy tomorrow will be - - -runs screaming.

national aids day

that's today. i had forgotten until i stumbled across a marathon of old gay issue movies. it's noteworthy that this day is no longer noteworthy. and i understand why - the seriousness of the issue is definitely diminished. but one of the movies was 'and the band played on' which was a very good - very sad movie. OH and another one 'in the gloaming' starred wilson from house but that's irrelevant. anyway - and the band played on - the story was very good on the personal piece of it; the historical recount in terms of the disease was fascinating etc. but the real thing that sticks out with that story is this - - - when some people are treated like second class citizens we all eventually suffer for it. it was a 'gay male disease' - hell, it was seen as nearly a blessing. course the book/movie begin in the late 70s but apparently the first identified case was 1959. kinda makes ya wonder what else we are brewing. anyway, i digress again. for some reason, gay rights are right up there in terms of the most important issue i can think of at the moment. i don't know why exactly i feel so drawn. i mean, sure, nominally i'm bi but my life is steeped in heterosexuality and so what difference should it make to me. or at least - this much difference - but that thought this morning cleaned it up for me a little - the idea that here is a way that it actually showed up that when some were oppressed . . . that plus i guess, there are so many complicated issue and this one isn't. it's like, all that time that was wasted bitching and arguing about whether anyone is born gay . . . blah blah blah - who cares? it might be interesting to know but it doesn't matter. thus ends my rant - i know, my eloquence is fading.