heartburn and exhaustion

that's what's going on here

i know i should be over the whole death thing - i wish i was. honestly just be thankful i don't tell you about it as much as i think about it or in near that amount of detail. one of these days i'll go on a diatribe. for now i'll content with dribs and drabs and try to spare you the nonsense.

there are a lot of changes i have to make around her in a short amount of time but i just can't sem to find the motivation or the energy. wait, is that one thing. no those are different.

something is on my ceiling that i swear is a crossbreed of ant and spider. or maybe i'm just so tired i'm starting to hallucinate. although i slept nearly seven straight hours last night. oh that reminds me. so i went upstairs to bed around 10.3 and as i get into bed i realize that i haven't blogged. i try the computer upstairs but there is no internet connection. but if i go downstairs then i'll be up for hours more cuz that's what i do. and well, i really have to start taking care of myself one of these days.

so i would have gotten a straight eight hours but my son came in and pulled the covers off of me. like i was a little kid. it was very funny.

i love him so much. i wish i had more energy or was more engaged for him right now. not that i'm ignoring him. i just feel overstressed and out of it a lot. so much changing all at once. for me and for him.