foggy

seriously pain and trying to deal with it makes you foggy.

we went to my cousin's pool party. my boy LOOOOOVES the water. it was so cute. we put the little bubble on him and off he went. swam right into the deep end. we had to pretend to be alligators. seeing my family is difficult to some degree. it's a mixture of wishing we were closer and at the same time feeling like they don't get me even when i explain myself. sigh. families.

the funny thing is; at heart i'm a family person. i believe in family loyalty and being there for each other and all that but i've always felt so distanced / other. not that it is painful to be around them i don't mean that. it is mostly enjoyable. particularly this time - all the little babies of all us cousins running around.

course my first cousin basically offered to babysit malachai which is really really nice but i'm afraid she might indoctrinate him - pro-fundamentalism, antigay etc. and i'm really only being a tiny bit hyperbolic

anyway, it was a lovely day and it is a late night and i have to figure out how to be four different places at once tomorrow. whoo hooo