if this were a quilt - it'd be really ugly

so my little boy's face is one big bruise. he pulled my ten speed on top of his head today. there was a blanket draped over it and he pulled the blanket and down it came. he has a cut right under his eye and both eyes will likely be black and there is mark on the outside of his cheek. all in time for our trip to florida for the brook's family reunion.

please goddess, someone save me from this reunion. yeah, okay, i just typed six or seven sentences and deleted them cuz i don't think i'm ready to talk about all that at the moment. at any rate, the reunion, which, best i can tell, is not actually a reunion, but simply a wedding that all the family has been invited to - is in orlando in august so that should give you some idea of how much sense all this makes. oh, and the inlaws thought it would be fun to take the kid to cape canaveral but never mentioned disneyworld. now, understand, i can't stand disney - if the whole thing fell apart tomorrow i might even be tempted throw a little party. and i realize that sugar-bean isn't going to remember it. i would never set up a trip for him at this age but we are going to be in orlando with at least one day of nothing to do . . .

i know that man can not live on bread alone but can woman live on cheerios alone? cuz lately that's all i want to eat. well, that and sandwiches (i feel like that kid in the movie 'bad santa') but we sometimes haves cheerios and almost never have sandwich fixings well, not the ones i want anyway.

i'm watching the x-files. friends of ours have a daughter named echo. if she had been a boy they were going to name her fox.

my eyes are itchy. for those of you that read my insomnia rant. it is 2.38am and there is a chance that has something to do with my itchy eyes - well that and the sorting of art supplies. if i stop taking a break and get up and move around i may well find myself staying up for another few hours - ohyeah because i took a nap this afternoon. oh, it was a glorious thing. i fell on the bed and just slept and slept and slept. for three and a half hours, only momentarily awoken by kai coming in to give me a hug :)

my poor little dude - his face is such a mess. oh, that's the other thing . we are traveling by plane this weekend. about a year ago i remember reading a story where some kid just kept saying over and and over"byebye plane; byebyeplane" until the stewardess got mad and kicked them off the plane!! so i'm a little nervous. not about him behaving or us being stranded (OH HOW I WISH), no, i'm concerned that something like that will happen and then i will be forced to kill that person.

alrighty i am going to fight my neuroses right now and go lay down.

it's 4.23am - do you know where your brain is

so i don't sleep anymore. 5 hours at a shot . . . decreasing by the day, i think it started at 6. tonight i probably slept about 4 and a half or so before awakening. usually it is just that i go to bed so late and then have to get up for work. at this point i guess i have trained my body to only sleep about 5 hours because i went to sleep at around 11 or so and then pop 3.37am my eyes were wide motherfucking open

it all started as part of my ongoing quest for organization in this house. a process that is like a very deep layer of therapy for me so i may write about later but for now let me say that is going *extraordinarily* well, better than i could have hoped. AND i have my altar / meditation / all things witchcraft; yogic; martial arts room finally!!

but i digress - which is a serious side effect of not sleeping. the more you don't sleep . . . or should that be the less you sleep . . .hmmm . . . either way it effs you up. when you're tired. you're just that - your ass is dragging and you could use a nap. when you are sleep deprived well my friend just duck and weave when you see the white coats and butterfly nets coming your way. i suppose taking a variety of drugs / b vitamins etc doesn't help but . . . yeah, um, it's like your eyes are suddenly a cheap ass digital camera and you can see huge pixelation and sometimes the pixels move around despite the fact that the object you are looking at is, as a whole, still.

and then there is what comes out of your mouth. all editing abilities are out the window. i don't mean the ones that keep you from telling that oxygen thief in the office that s/he is a worthless piece of donkey poop. i'm talking about the one that keeps your subconscious thoughts in one neat little corner of your brain and prevents it from mingling with all the other thoughts in your head. not necessarily the deep dark stuff - just random things ya know where the dream that you were (OMG - how the fuck do you spell ladel??) ladling (thank you dictionary.com) chocolate out the window of a high rise and then the chocolate turned into ducklings and you realized you were killing them cuz they couldn't fly - - - ya, that starts to get entwined with the piece of your brain that reminds you to pay bills. i'm not saying that i have yet started paying ducks blood money for the senseless death of their offspring nor am i saying that i've tried paying my mortgage in chocolate. for now i'm just pointing out that there is a reason that those two pieces of the brain don't interface on a constant basis. actually there are probably many reasons but at least one of them is that little bits of chocolate ducks start finding their way into your conversations. you start telling people things that you aren't even sure you connect with let alone should be telling the biznitty in the next office.

okay - there's more but after about 2 hours of dicking around on the puter i think i may actually be able to eke out another hour or so of sleep, see if i can't use my magic fairy army to save some ducklings. otherwise i'm effed . . . ever try to break bad news to a duck?