it's 8pm

and i am so going to bed. as soon as i'm done with this thing.

carl got back from vegas this morning. the boy was definitely happy to se ehim. well, not at first, he was mad at him.

kai had his first full day in the older preschool so we're happy abou that cuz he was sobored in the other one. as it is they still have these one piece puzzles and hey were like o, malachai has done all of these. we're like, yeah, no kiding. kid does 30 - 60 piece puzzles. course he'll go to a good college but he'll be in a diaper when he gets there.

i'm sure you feel ripped off but i just woke up with my fingers on the key board so . . . perhaps i should go nigh nigh now.

i'm going back to yoga tomorrow. sohopefullly that will haelp with this ongoing pain. i'll let ya know.

i hope your weekend is going to be long . . .

bullet points

my hip is EFFING killing me

i attended a meeting this afternoon that basically consisted of me explaining to the other people what they were trying to say to each other as they all spoke past each other

now that i reread the above sentence i can't imagine how i did that since that makes no damned sense

i made three batches of chocolate chip cookies tonight

i hate making cookies but it made the kid happy

he amazes me sometimes. i gave him a cookie - he ate it and got up from the table. and honestly my chocolate chip cookies are damned good so it wasn't that.

the father comes home tomorrow. malachai has dealt well with him not being here but i think he's going to be very relieved when he comes back. i think it has sort of been a low grade disturbance for him.

i am watching television and i would just like to know how many friggin children of the corn movies did they make

o goddess my hip and my neck hurt.

diet cherry dr. pepper - gene simmons is a genius.

i am trying these novocaine patches the doctor gave me but i'm very wary as i am not a big fan of novocaine.

the psychic also said i should look into making jewelry. how weird is that? i don't see it . . . and yet, there is a three week metal jewelry class that i'm thinking about.

i have to say - i've missed carl; i love him but . . . i really like owning the house.

yeah, i really do make good cookies - dammit - i gotta get rid of these things.

spring fever has really begun to hit. the twenty year olds are looking pretty yummy.

i am so very looking forward to this weekend so i think i shall go to bed to bring it a little closer.

"i have a dream. to have a dream."

raspberry lime rickey sherbert

'nuff said

ahd a mani/pedi today. other than the fact that my toe hurts it's all good. watching johnny depp which is always nice even if it is pirates and he looks a bit funky.

so other than the fact that i lost my keys for two fucking hours today and my mother had to come out here (all for naught since i did finally find them) and the director at my son's daycare had to drop him off at home - - it was a good day. grrrrrr

do they do tattoos on the crease of the elbow?

my mother finally brought up gideon to me tonight. one of the things she said was what a wasted life for someone who had so much potential. to wit i replied - what is the threshold? what isn't a wasted life? gideon enjoyed doing carpentry - isn't enjoying what you do count for something? i mean really who's life isn't wasted?? or is? however you want to look at it. how wasted is my life - i've worked all these years at a job that on a good day i feel nuetral about. and i've lived in fear to do anything i wanted to do - to the point where now i don't even want to do anything. i'm not trying to depress i'm just being factual. my point is what is the meeasure of a life and what it may or may not be worth? to say that a life is wasted is to imply that there is some point it can get to where it is not wasted. where isthat point??

hmm - cass, you'vegot a point thtere
ya damned right an if i had a hat . .

freaking headache

seriously blinding pressure in my head.

i really do feel like there's a part of me missing. well, i have felt that way anyway but specifically i'm referring to the absence of gideon.

i have so very much to do but i'm think that i might just take my dumb ass to bed.

the kid hasn't specifically said anything about carl being gone but he's def off today.

obama is fighting the credit card companies - whoohoo! http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2009/05/19/eveningnews/main5026108.shtml

yeah, each of those sentences have nearly split my head open.

can't take anymore

the next - i hate immigrants or everyone should worship my god etc. - email i get better be really heavy on facts. i have lots of opinions too but i don't believe every piece of nonsense that crosses my path just because it furthers my opinion. if you can't make your cse based on facts then you don't have a case - you have a cult. just as a little for instance - there is an email out there that says that 95% of all murder warrants are for illegal immigrants. now, first of all, the source for this is a woman who said 95% of all outstanding warrants which is significantly different - don'tcha think?? PLUS - it was just one woman and she's a lawyer, a journalist and an atheist . .. usually any one of those are enough for a conservative to dismiss her. at any rate - no one has ever been able to provide any hard facts for her argument. i myself would like to say that i believe at least four times as much money is wasted on corporate tax breaks and pampering politicians than on welfare but i haven't done the proper leg work.

so carl's away - it's alittle weird. i'm sure it will be much stranger after mike leaves.

k- - must sleep.

night night

impending silence

ish

carl is leaving for vegas around 3am and won't be back until friday morning. he is attending a conference on cloud computing. his father is here until tuesday morning so really it'll only be like 2 and a half days but it'll be interesting. i'm not sure how the munchkin is gonna take it though. we'll see.

i was reading an article about how obama got heckled when he spoke at notre dame - the whole abortion thing. this paragraph was in the article "Catholics are the largest single denomination in the United States, making up nearly a quarter of the population. More than half of the adult population is Protestant but that is split among many denominations." this is why i wanted to be excommunicated. you know what they base how many catholics there are on??? baptism records. so catholics are recognized as a political force based on baptism records and the assumption is that as goes vatican city so goes the rest of us. do you have any clue how many people who were baptized are like me and have embraced either another religion altogether or the compelete absence of one?? and of the remaining baptized individuals who are still "catholic" - i don't know a single one who agrees with rome - abortion; gay rights; divorce. and i definitely don't know anyone that believes in no premarital sex or no birth control. which really confuses me as to why remain catholic and those of you that are my friends in this situation - i don't mean to ire you; i really don't understand. catholicism is the only form of christianity that doesn't give you permission to make up your mind (we believe in one holy, catholic and apostolic church). but whatever - i sooo digress. the point is that politicians are influenced by the supposed numbers which aren't really. so that's it. you can tell i'm short on things to chat about.

right now - i'm watching dane cook. one of his skits just reminded me - why the hell can't stars adopt babies from this country??

i'm too tired to go to sleep. sigh

non sequiturs

according to the people at clearblue easy - 1 in 4 women can misread a traditional pregnancy test. if only there were some way to instantly sterilize those women. i've taken these tests - they aren't rocket science. one line you're not / two lines you are; a plus sign you're preggers / a minus you're not . . . they aren't written in friggin ancient sumarian.

yesterday my son asked my mother "um, okay, can we please end this discussion now"

oh, and speaking of ending discussions - the next person to tell me to go to school as the answer to my "what should i do with my life" . . . gets bitch slapped. i KNOW i have to go back to school once i figure out what i want to do and therefore know what classes to take. i don't have the money and time to just go and wander around for a while. believe me if i did the answer to what should i do with my life would be 'go to school' cuz really i don't want to do anything but learn a bunch of different stuff.

gideon didn't really like anything pop culture. as far as i know, in the last few years all he listened to was opera and classical music. (i can not tell you how horrific it is to say last few years about a man who wasn't even 40). so it surprised me a great deal when he sent out a copy of SNL's 'dick in a box'. recently i stumbled across the follow up
http://www.hulu.com/watch/72434/saturday-night-live-digital-short-motherlover-censored

and then i think - i'm so sorry he missed that. that's why i said before that anya's speech in buffy is so good when she says "and then i thought joyce won't have juice again or brush her teeth or . . . " these are the things that occur over time and freak one out. or maybe just me - who knows?

psychic friday

top ten places to live - not a one of them is in the united states
http://realestate.msn.com/slideshow.aspx?cp-documentid=19711427


saw the psychic today - she said gideon was with me. like right there. it was the first thing she brought up. "what sign is your ex?" i said "which one" yeah, i don't know why i said that.

but she didn't tell me what to do wth my life which i wasn't happy about. i mean she gave me some ideas but i dont' want ideas. i want someone to literally say "go do this" and then i will. sigh.

that's about it for today.

OH!! dollhouse has been picked up for a second season. whooooohoooo

not a bad day

i have an initiation date - carl's job has gone live http://searchcloudcomputing.techtarget.com/

if i wasn't wiped out with a sore throat and a blinding headache i might even do a little dance

leg doctor and psychic lady tomorrow

yeah, that's it

once there was a way to get back homeward

it's been a heavy grief day - round about 3.30 to this moment. what i wouldn't give for a callous heart. or an extra sized bottle of atavin. or maybe a life with purpose - a distraction. yeah, i know, i'm short on the making sense tonight. i told ya it's been a long afternoon. and i have a sore throat. that happened before the pathetic weepiness. i mean really.

i did make a fairly delicious dinner tonight - cavatelli with a sauce i made up; pork seasoned with dill. and we got the kid on tape singing "the malachai song" before we butchered his hair.

so when i took the kid to the eye doctor the other day i sawone of those very subtle anti-boy things. there was a renditon of the three little pigs so i read it to him. there are four characters in this story - stupid pig one with the house of straw; stupid pig two with the house of sticks; very smart and generous pig with the house of bricks who not only builds with bricks but saves the other morons and outsmarts the wolf AND finally evil and ultimately stupid wolf. guess who the only female in the story is - right - the smart and generous one. i know in the past the opposite was done to women. but that is the point why do we have to go in the other direction? it's bad enough i'm going to have to navigate the kid's childhood trying to explain about witches dammit!!

so now the endless dilemma - go to sleep and wake up knowing i should have done more or stay awake and do a little more and be more tired and distraught tomorrow. i'm fucked. i'm also watching the stand so . . .

m - o - o - n that spells fucked.

round two

i had started another blog post but now i'm really annoyed so i can't continue it.

i took the kid to the eye doctor today. the doctor said he has slight farsightedness but nothing unusual for his age. apparently lots of kids have it around this age and then as their eyes change it corrects itself. so - so far so good - looks like he has my eyes after all whooooooooooohooooooooooooooooo!! so he played eye doctor with me for a while in the waiting room while we waited for his eyes to dilate. when we left the poor little was grumbling a little in the back seat. i said "what's the matter" he says "um, the sun needs to go away"

he also ate close to his body weight today. but the very best was after his nap he woke up and said "i need my guitar to sing the malachai song" i'm like "huh" "um, why did we put my guitar in the closet" now mind you we put the guitar in the closet like 2 months ago. so i get it and hand it to him and he begins 'oh, malachai, i love you, oh, malachai, i love you so much, oh . .. " needless to say i peed myself

goodnight :*

trying something new

i'm going to start going to bed no later than 11pm. cuz i had something to tell you people and i don't know what the hell it was because my brain is broken form lack of sleep.

i have to take the kid to the eye doctor tomorrow. i really hope there is nothing wrong with his eyes. eh, i suppose it doesn' matter. i mean according to my insurance company it isn't necessary to have your eyes checked or treated so there you go. sigh. i also have to find someone to look at my jaw. apparently there are discs in your jaw which i didn't know. sother is a chance that my discs have broken down. whoo hoo lucky me. the tooth reshaping seems to have helped quite a bit though. i am extraordinarily curious if my jaw troubles have anyting to do with a certain crazy man fracturing it some 15 years ago or so. i'll let you know

alright - so if this goes as planned then my sleep should bring you something interesting.

happy mother's day

so i found this interesting little tidbit on the history of mother's day. from wikipedia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mother%27s_Day_Proclamation
"The "Mother's Day Proclamation" by Julia Ward Howe was one of the early calls to celebrate Mother's Day in the United States. Written in 1870, Howe's Mother's Day Proclamation was a pacifist reaction to the carnage of the American Civil War and the Franco-Prussian War. The Proclamation was tied to Howe's feminist belief that women had a responsibility to shape their societies at the political level."

the proclamation can be found on the link. so originally it was in order to unite mother's in a pacifist capacity. so there - there is your little tidbit of knowledge for today

as for my mother's day. it was fine. today was definitely a heavy chat day for the kid. i swear that kid talks so much - i'm gonna have to record it for ya. all carl and i can do is just laugh. the best is when i hear myself comeout o fhis mouth. he was arguing with us about whether carl's van was a van or a car. mind you many of his arguments go like this "no it's not black ; it's black" um okay. anyway, he kept insisting cara nad we kept saying no van. so finally we hear "pshh, fine, whatever, it's a van" good good stuff

i hope you all had a lovely mother's day - whatever you did.

oh, and i got the original buffy movie - to round out my joss whedon collection. just need the dr. horrible series now. well, that and we'll see when they release dollhouse.

last night we watched an episode of firefly so

Well, I appreciate your honesty. Not, you know, a lot, but...

too tired to . . . bl a

m son went to church today - to my cousins first communion. i asked him what he did today he said "i went to church" so i replied "who did you see at church" to wit "um, jesus . . . hanging on a bar" great stuff

i actually have more to say but truly not the strength to do so

also . .. i can kill you with my brain

bleh

again - nothing to say. again; very tired.

work is too annoying to even begin to tell you about; nothing much is happening at home and ya'll have your own tv's so what the hell do you want from me??

how bout i take a little nap and maybe do a late night post?? well, ya dont have to like it but you do havae to accept it.

ya can't make me

well, okay, i guess you did. but i'm tired. i have overused my brain today - obsessing a little. high anxeity day for no reason really.

so what can i say that is new and exiting. i am watching michael j. fox's show on optimism. i like it. which unusual for me. i mean i am a fan of optimism but usually pep talk people on tv are full of massive amounts of poop.

oh and i have also been trying to catch up on facebook. jesus christ! i haven't done this in forever. i suppose it's a little late to send easter eggs or green beers, huh?

wow - so there is a supposition that pessimists need to think about the problems to avoid them and optimists have to avoid thinking about them. that i definitely have to look into more. and htere is a genetic predisposal to optimism or not. well, i have a new research project. i'll get back to you.

tonight - a michael j. fox quote:

since i'm not sure the address to send my gratitude i put it out there in everything i do

"the business of being born"

i'm watching this movie right now about natural versus medical childbirth. very interesting. here is the highlight: other countries do the majority of births, "normal" births without complications are done by midwives at home. births with complications are still done by doctors. anyway, these other countries have lower infant mortality rates than we do. and omg - look into twilight sleep - the origins of hospital birth. sheesh

anywho, today was my last PT day. my flexibility increased but then that wasn't a real problem - i started more flexible than average. anyway, it was good. i really liked the program. it was way useful.

OMG - they just advertised this program called 'nursery university'. i think americans may have finally gone completely crazy.

have i mentioned that my cats are creepy.

and in child news - after about an hour my kid stopped singing a mix of "there were ten in the bed" and "no more monkeys jumping on the bed"

okay - we'll talk tomorrow. i think it's just about nigh nigh time - and i just found the perfect thing to fall asleep to - a vampire movie with jason mewes in it!!

You're a vampire. Oh, I'm sorry. Was that an offensive term? Should I say undead American?"

Interim Governor of the Palace

I think the link explains it all, really. Another day as regent ensures that my station of castellan shall soon be elevated- Blog 360 or whatever the fuck is going on here can't be denied, motherfuckers! Destiny approaches, as long as She continues to go to bed early.

link is the blog title, btw... put the little pointy thing on top of the blog title and it will turn a new color. Then click. Is this too much detail?

stuff that pisses me off and makes me smile

okay - the WE network is doing a special on women behind bars. the fifty second clip basically suggests that these women were victims who struck out or in some other way sympathetic. it starts by saying "they're wives - pan to this woman "i wanted to be a good wife" - they're mothers" etc. etc. this is why i can't be a feminist. you think there aren't men in prison with sympathetic stories??? or woman who are just plain mothereffing evil. ugh.

now for the cheery portion. my son has begun narrating himself. first of all he is no longer 'pig' he is now 'sir topham hat'. so this morning at the breakfast table he tells me something that he finds funny - giggles about it and then says "laughed sir topham hat". i can't decide if this is incredibly creative of him or just plain creepy.

this was begun much earlier today and again i am waking up to post it so that's all you'll get from me. perhaps tomorrow we can discuss the matthew shephard act.

titles - we don't need no stinking titles

my kid sings maxwell's silver hammer now unprompted. this evening he was singing it while literally running circles around the house. so we watched some beatles on youtube

yeah, if he didn't exist i would have nothing to tell you people at all. hmm i have one more session of this intensive pt that i have been doing. they took measurements today - i am more flexible than the average person which of course they are all excited about but then i was basically more flexible than the average person before i started. flippancy aside i think it actually worked very well and the cool thing is all the stuff they showed me to do is stuff i can do on my own. i already have a gym membership so i'm good to go.

i told the daycare director about the insurance thing today - she seemed nonplussed. i guess it goes with the territory for her. healthcare man. so, you should watch sicko by michael moore. for the record, he's not my favorite dude and the movie is definitely hyped but facts are still facts and you'll find some of them disturbing. what was really sad - three of the people he interviewed, and then took with him to cuba to get medical attention they couldn't get here, were 9/11 rescue workers suffering directly from their involvement during 9/11. i mean - come the eff on - all these "patriots" with their big damn mouths about how saying the war is a bad idea is unpatriotic. no, unpatriotic is the fact that returning troops are not getting proper medical care and/or benefits (which your man bush cut while he was in office and obama had damn well better reverse that shit) and the people who risked their lives to save others when we were attacked - - -how can we justify not taking care of these people? it really makes me sad.

meanwhile - in other countries - they take more time off and are statistically more productive; maternity leave - oh, about a year; and they live longer, and they aren't morbidly obese; oh, there is one south american country that has a lower infant mortality rate than detroit - sorry, my little michiganders.

alright, there are a lot of wholes in there - just stuff i left out. i'll come back to it. my bed is calling me.

You really need to have every square inch of your ass kicked.

first full weekend

so for the first time this weekend i went to a saturday afternoon function not by myself. up until now carl has been working every saturday - i've gotten used to going to all of these things by myself. so that was nice. with rare exceptions we haven't actually spent a weekend together since 2003 or so. i bet. course at this very moment he's grating on my last so . . .

so the kid has taken a marked interest in dinosaurs. so yesterday i decide we'll look up some dinosaur pictures and videos online. i go googling for stuff for kids. so i put on a video about t-rex and he eats another dinosaur who apparently looke dlike a dog to kai because he has been walking around ever since saying "did the trex bite the dog?" so i go to the next one - supposed to be about some dinosaur family who 45 seconds in . . . gets eaten by a t-rex. thus ends our internet exploration.

his school calle dme on friday to tell me that someone who had been in the center but not in the classrooms had influeza a possibly swine flu. but haven't hear anything yet. i guess symptoms come 1 to 4 days so i guess i won't worry too much. actually, at the risk of sounding glib i'm really not worried. i'm more worried about the fact that i have to call them tomorrow and tell them that my insurance company is probably going to come after them for money. he had stitches on his eye last year because a kid pushed him and he hit the bookshelf. at daycare that is the same risk as getting a cold. shit happens in toddler town. but, my insurance company is now asking what happened so they can go after someone else for the cost. i hate to tell them because i hate to see that happen but i have a feeling that if they find out later that they could have gone after someone and my not telling them is what prevents them from getting their money . . they'll take their money from me. oh, how i love healthcare in the united states. everyone complaining about excessive lawsuits doesn't get the part that the lawsuits are mostly amongst insurance companies. if you're an individual you likely won't get squat. but i'll go into that in further detail some other time. i's tiRED! you all be good now.

Occasionally, I'm callous and strange

mayday

we went to lynne's twins' first birthday party today. pretty uneventful which is actually really nice for a first birthday party.

yeah, that's it - that's all i got. people forgot how to drive today. i had to go shopping and remembered why i never try to go anywhere on saturday. i bought like seventy thousand things of juice - just another reminder not to shop when you really want something. my kid was talking to himself whn he woke up this morning "and then sir topham hat" (he's no longer pig, now he is sir topham hat)"asked his mommy if she could turn on the little light" too fucking funny.

yep guess i'll have to start living a more exciting life or start taking hallucinogens or something so it seems interesting.

OH - one thing. i did look into the whole teaching thing. you apparently have to be a rocket scientis to be a teacher in this state. it was almost impossible to cipher. so i started talking to lynne about it tonight and she told me about the particular kind of teaching called an ABA where you deal with kids with behavioral or any other myriad of problems. she said she thought of me doing it because of my manner with children - that i'm strong without being imposing. it's actually right on target. so i'm gonna look into it. i mean i'll have to go to school but the idea of protecting kids, making kids who don't feel safe feel safe . . . anyway, more on it later. it's not a plan - it's the shadow of whisper of a plan.

i'm the shadow of a whisper of consciousness - i'm audi5 baby

munchausen

it's a weird disease. it's on house right now. i've always been fascinated by it. but what can i say the whackier your brain is the more interested i am.

as for me - on days like today i wish i had it. it was a high pain day for my legs. well, that and my ass since my 9am meeting didn't start until 11 and my (what i thought was prety awesome) web page layout was not met with the rousing enthusiasm i felt it earned.

and the pain killers i took have worn off and i don't want to take another. so i'm going to take a bath. if that at least makes me feel like i can stop crying i'll do part two. if not, i'll take another pill and if either there will be a very sloppy part two or i'll pass out.

Blessed Beltane

We had our midsummer rite tonight and i FINALLY turned in my "final exam" so with any luck i will be initiating soon. if volume counts for anything they were a little surprised how lengthy my test was - 16 friggin pages long. grrr. i am honestly so tired of typing.

so now with that out of the way - it's time to write serena, gideon's ex-partner. i have written her nearly every day in my head since he died. a couple of times i have started but well, let's just say i'm a really awesome at procrastinating switching the laundry around so . . . when it comes to something that makes me so sad i could literally throw up, i become a true master.

okay, i'm so tired i'm typing with one eye closed.

I'm an old- fasioned gal.I was raised to believe that the men
dig up the corpses and the women have the babies.

and i thought i was a mental case

one of our cats just spent the last ten minutes chasing his tail. those of you who know my cats - - take a guess which one.

so yeah, today was the little booger's 3 year checkup. he's fine. well, there was some trouble with his eye exam but since the nurse doing it didn't exactly inspire my confidence i'm holding off on my total panic until we see the specialist who my insurance may or may not pay for. so the nurse says to me - well, if it's out of pocket do you still want to do it?? i'm like, how exactly is this optional?? whatever. thisis why the nurse didn't inspire my confidence though - she gives him a card with four pictures on it and asks him what they each are. so he tells her what they are. the she holds a card up like whatever 6 feet away and shows him each of these pictures one by one. well, he's sorta not paying attention - it's past lunchtime rounding on nap and he hasn't had either. she says to him, well, if you don't know the name you can point to it on the card. i'm like, that is so much more difficult for a three year old then just point and say the name. but whatever, i have to assume that she was new or borrowed froma nother department because then she said she was sending us downstairs for a followup to the piece he failed. well, as it turns out they don't do that 'downstairs' they do it at another location altogether. hmm, sorry for the rant.

anyway, he is 38.5" tall. so if the idea that at three you double their height and that tells you how tall they will be is true . . then i have a six foot fiver on my hands. not that i'm surprised. the doctor assures me that he is not as picky about food as i tend to think he is and then we talked about potty training. the doctor's advice is to tell him he's not big enough. now, don't get me wrong, i'm not being sensitive, at this point if i thought it would work i would tell him that magic fairies came out of his ass. but the doctor's theory will not work on my kid. kai will be like 'okay, if you say so'. now, the one thing he said that did make sense to me is that kai is the kind of kid that will decide to do it one day and the next day he'll be in underwear. course he'll probably be 16 or 17 by then but - - oh well.

he did have his blood drawn and at first i was a little worried. the woman who was doing it today is not very good - she's done me before. first she seems to thinki she has to scrape the skin a little first and then push it in and the next thing you know it's coming out your elbow. the last time she did my blood the collecting vial actually popped off because the flow was so strong. so he did get a little more upset then usual - he said no and wanted to touch it and sounded slightly distressed. the receptionist came back as we were leaving and said 'is he all finished?? i didn't hear anything!' it is nice but on the other hand having a kid with a very high pain tolerance means that you have to watch him very closely when he gets hurt.

good goddess, i have been typing nonstop for days i don't think i know how to stop. i don't even have anything left to say but i - - my fingers just won't stop.

Looks dead, smells dead, yet it's moving around. That's interesting.

honestly people!

you can't expect me to write this damned thing every day if my life is not going to get any more interesting for christ's sake.

i have more rants left in me but not the energy for them. the world is very aggravating.

but instead let me focus on some cheery news:
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/04/29/nyregion/29plane.html?ref=nyregion
this is very bad news in terms of what was done, however, it is nice to see accountability - an actual response of any kind. and i have to assume he isn't covering anything up because i went to that assmonkey o'reilly's site and i didn't see any rant on the subject. goddess knows if there was even a shred of information to turn into misinformation

yeah, see, just that wiped my ass out.

so what can i tell you. my baby is no longer a baby - he went to the park with his father and came home cooovered in dirt; streaked down his face. the bathtub was literally littered in dirt. tomorrow i go for his 3 year pedia appointment. i cant' remember if there'll be shots or blood. they don't bother him much anyway but i keep waiting for them to. when they take blood from him, he literally just watches nearly impassively. needless to say the nurses love him and he usually walks out overflowing with stickers.

he helped me make orange juice popsicles today. you'd think he'd won the lottery.

anyway, that appointment and my own PT appointment mean i have to try to get to work a little early tomorrow.

so here's today's thought:
I didn't come here to take anything away from you, but I'm not gonna be your little lapdog, either.

guest blogspot

this is actually to ensure confirmity with all needed strictures RE blogging 360 or whatever it's called. the post has been made while the young lady has fallen alseep.

A Concerned Observer

just another day, living in the hood, just another day around the way

queen latifah rocks.

i had nothing to say today so i looked at the headlines to see if anything caught my interest. swine flu?? are you serious??

why o why is my child's sleep patterns so erratic. oh, that's right a few days ago we put him in his "big boy bed" which basically consisted of taking the front off the crib. later on it's supposed to turn into a full size bed. course by the tiemhe is old enough for a full size bed i'm not sure it is going to be long enough for him. anyway, he seems to love it. we put pillows next to it in case he rolls off - course it's only a few inches off the ground anyway. so far only one time have i found him sleeping on the pillows. what really amazes me is that when he is awake he doesn't get out of bed. i mean we told him not to but still. in the morninng he generally gets out grabs a to or book, or for some unknown reason a pair of shoes and then goes back to his crib with them but at night he just stays in bed. even with the door open. tres bizarre.

i'm watching - well okay not really watching - a horrible movie but it is about the mary celeste which i only found out today or yesterday (my days they are a blurring) was an actual story. a ship found on course sailing to the straits of gibraltar - everything in perfect condition but with no crew or passengers on board. http://www.maryceleste.net/part2.htm
if ya don't know now ya know

so that's it - pig illness; weird kid and mystery ships.

what can i say

i don't have a destiny; i'm destiny free, really.

Scotland 1998

here are some of my more favorite pictures from scotland. it's like 1/25th of my gazillion pictures and after doing just this much it occurs to me that my transferring to digital project may be slightly more daunting then might have first occured to me. i'm going to try to put little captions under each one but frankly i don't think i'm quite that bright. either way – i hope you enjoy them cuz it took for damned ever


eden


pathway



side yard of the castle i stayed in


another view of castle


black and white back yard of the castle


view from the top of the castle


the importance of a woman


the cooooolest grave site ever


what can i say - it amused


again - pretty amusing . . . that statue was damned tall


so cool


idk - ask chris why i'm standing like that


have i mentioned that i love rocks


hmmmmmm

so i will leave you with this one thought. the picture about the importance of a woman. it just amused me but posting it today got me to thinking - - people often give me crap for my kid having my last name. actually, after kai was born carl said something that seemed to suggest he thought if we had another the next would have his last name. now, understand carl is far more of a "feminist" then i am. we once had an argument where i was defending men who were not allowed visitation with their children but had to pay child support all the same and his response was "yeah, well, men have been screwing women over for so long so who cares".

anyway, here's why my kid has my last name - i have all girl cousins except one and he isn't having kids. and carl's last name is BROOKS for cripes sake. however, i still don't really get why it's an issue. generally, this then leads to a discussion about what if we got married to which i say well, maybe he'll take my last name - the very idea makes people make some really strange faces and a few have actually gotten a little angry. and 90 percent of the time it is from people who have taken their husband's last name. so what does that mean? are we accepting the idea that men are by virtue of their manhood more important?

as per usual, i don't really care that you make that choice - i just want to understand why you think my choice is so crazy. course usually when i ask that question it really upsets the person. so i guess the real question then is why it is that my choices are up for scrutiny and not theirs. but in general i find that everyone seems to have an opinion about me and what i do and they aren't shy about telling me all about it. most of it is way off; like a lot of people think i am a pushover, happens all the time at work. course on a more positive note a lot of people seem to think i'm a great deal smarter than a really am so . . .

that's my random brain fart rant for the evening. i hope you enjoy the pictures.

Xander, will you still make me waffles when we're married?
No, I'll only make them for myself. But by California law, half of them will be yours.

you will get nothing out of me

i'm exhausted - woke myself up to write this - so yeah, nothing tonight.

my scanner is connected though so expect some pictures soon.

zzzzzzzzzz

i suppose it is a contradiction

the craigslist killer supposedly tried to kill himself. now despite the fact that i am against the death penalty i just can't get too worked up over someone trying to kill themselves. i don't know. i don't mean it doesn't matter to me. it just seems like an infringement on freedom for it to be illegal. as a moral/religious principal my rede is "an it harm none do as you will" which includes harming yourself. but law and religion/morality are separate. sputter cough sputter - sorry, had trouble saying that with a straight face living in this time of the zealot. but anyway, it SHOULD be separate.

i'm a big fan of legalizing victimless crimes - drugs, prostitution, suicide. ah, but all things work on supply and demand and if we focused only on those crimes that hurt more than the perpetrator the jails would let go nearly 70% of their occupants. and with fewer occupants there would be jobs lost. if you think i'm being sarcastic or speaking in hyperbole. i'm not.

okay so i just watched a half hour of news and pretty much 27 minutes of it is time i will never get back. a woman and her daughter tipped in a kayak; a teenage girl sent someone a nude photo of herself on the phone and the boy she sent it to sent it to a gazillion other people; how to make codfish cakes . . . i mean really people. how's iraq going? hell, how's unemployment going? anything on the shovel ready front. seriously! goddess bless NPR. anyhooo the three minutes that were interesting - federal institutions have ignored unclaimed moneys (you know missingmoney.com) totaling about 10million dollars. they'll hammer a friend of mine to prove a couple of thousand.

okay now a truck overturned because of high winds and the anchorwoman (when did they become models??) just said "that's what ya get" LE SIGH! anyone still confused about why my mother told me to stop watching the news.

so i'm going to watch bring it on instead - - love love love each and every one of those movies. so tonight, i'll leave you with a little something different (i had such a hard time picking just one)

If we're gonna be the best, we have to have the best. Missy's the poo,
so take a big whiff!

the truth about earth day

here's another grain of sand in my panties: people who say we have to save the planet. i know, you find this surprising coming from me. don't get me wrong, i am all about loving the planet and doing right by nature. it is my religion and that's really not a figure of speech. however, let me point something out about mother earth. the earth, like any other organism, seeks to sustain itself by fighting against that which would do it harm. so the reason we have to be good to the earth isn't to save the earth - it's our own sweet asses on the line. because if she has to get rid of us to renew and repair herself . . . guess what?

a friend of mine posted this as her facebook status today and i thought since it is earth day - i'd share:
ONLY AFTER THE LAST TREE HAS BEEN CUT DOWN, ONLY AFTER THE LAST RIVER HAS BEEN POISONED, ONLY AFTER THE LAST FISH HAS BEEN CAUGHT, ONLY THEN WILL YOU FIND THAT MONEY CANNOT BE EATEN. ~Cree Indian Prophecy

Now - go read The Lorax. which reminds me, i've decided my stepmother migh be evil -she hates dr. suess. that's just unnatural.

I've heard about five different issues, and I'm angry about each and every one of them

seriously how much can one woman be expected to type??!

i have taken the eight gazillion scraps of paper that i have recorded all my 'final spell' stuff for witchcraft class and i have been typing them out. i am currently at four pages and i would say i am about half way through. ugh. and that is just the spell work not the questionnaire. i really needed some time alone last week. grr

i go back to PT tomorrow. and not too soon i'll tell you that. the good news is that it definitely works. the bad news is that i take it this means i will be doing it for pretty much the rest of my life. or maybe that is pessimistic; maybe if i can get those muscles stronger they'll need less attention.

in other pain related news they have started the reshaping of my teeth. seems to be helping a little. that and wearing my mouthguard 24/7

i also go back to work tomorrow. there, now i've completely ruined my mood.

today was carl's last day at that stupid fucking job. he starts his new one next wednesday.

and speaking of carl - it is eleven o'clock and his son is still not sleeping. so i suppose i have to do something about that.

I wanna torture you. I used to love it, and it's been such a long
time. I mean, the last time I tortured someone, they didn't even *have*
chainsaws.

such a headache

that's what i have. i think i need to drink a poopload of water and go to sleep. tomorrow is gonna be a humdinger. it's my work at home day and my first day back after vacation which means everyone and their brother is going to want something and no, it isn't really a day off. i mean sometimes i can do stuff around here and then deal with work later on after he goes to bed but just as often i'm working and trying to watch a three year old. i can't get over the fact that he's three.

we took him for his first train ride. which was great when we finally got him there. we got there for the 5.11 train. well, the first train that came was on the wrong side of the tracks and was late. then the next one left early as we were trying to cross the bridge because someone had just told us that it was on the wrong side of the tracks. so we finally got on the 6.16. grrrr. i did eventually see a little itty bitty sign that said mon-fri from 4.25 to 7.15 the outbound train would run on the inbound side and vice versa but only at five stations. i'm not even kidding. ya gotta love the mbta.

it just seems to be the way lately though.

i found a job for myself - kgb.com. you can text them any question and they send you back an answer. well, someone's looking that shit up right? that could be me - looking up random useless facts all day.

you know kid's stuff

short but sweet

when i was pregnant some people at work joked that i would have the jerry mcguire kid. i admit that he is prone to saying some geeky things. for instance, he has started telling me what shape EVERYTHING is. well, we told him that a square has four equal sides, and as far as a rectangle goes - well, i told him it has four sides and two are smaller than the other two; carl told him that it has four equal angles, a triangle has three sides and all on his own he came up with the idea that a circle has one side which is pretty good considering there is a lot of debate about defining that one. but anyway, while he does occasionally come out with this stuff he still is three and has the speech impediments to go with it. so the other day he asks me "what is a eagle" (i know can you believe he didn't say "an" eagle -sheesh) so i tell him a little about the bird. it isn't until a few minutes later when i hear him say "a square has four eagle sides" that i realize the mistake that i have made.

tomorrow we take him on his first train ride. and i'm going to bed early. not because of that - just saying.

i had a whole mental diatribe about health care but not today.

Does anyone have an aspirin? Or sixty?

it's all coming to an end

two more days and it's back to that stinky puss filled boil on humanity where i work.

speaking of stinky - our new game is "stinky kisses" - he kisses me or vice versa and we wipe the kisses off and say "i don't want your stinky kisses". and he just giggles uncontrollably. for the matter sometimes so do i and i'm not much for laughing out loud let alone uncontrollably. so much fun.

so i'm about to watch a movie "what the bleep / down the rabbit hole" which i had no idea but ironically stars marlee matlin. ah, synchronicity. even when it means nothing at all i enjoy it.

i don't know why i can't get a day to myself - it's crazy. i mean sure, theoretically i couldn't but i keep setting one up; i'll make arrangements for my mom to take the boy and be at home or whatever and something always comes up. it's crazy. i can't figure it out. i do think everything happens for a reason. not a "there's a greater purpose" reason. that concept is perhaps slightly too convenient. no, i believe everything happens for a reason as in cause / effect; even when the cause and effect aren't that obvious. create your own destiny so to speak.

although, if i were to embrace the idea of someone else writing our destinies - i actually have an answer to the big why do bad things happen question. it is god's way of trying to inspire our love, compassion, mercy for our fellow humans; a way to try to coax us from our own self import and arrogance, our judmental tendencies etc. so far it's a swing and a miss but i like the concept. what the hell it's as good a mythos as any other.

i also have this random thought about reincarnation. see some people have made the argument that there can't be reincarnation because the number of people on earth just keeps increasing. BUT if there are fewer animals on earth now than previously and more people that would support the hindu version where you evolve up the food chain so to speak. course it would also mean that people were supposedly moving closer to enlightenment and i'm a long way to being convinced of that. it would also mean that it's 'okay' that we are decimating the animal kingdom and i can't abide by that.

anyway, yeah, these are the random thoughts that cloud up my head when i could be trying to think of something useful.

That'll put marzipan in your pie plate, bingo!

how does shit like this slip through the cracks

i am referring to the last 7 seconds or so of this clip so no need to watch the whole thing unless you want to



marlee matlin, if you don't know, is deaf. in the above clip she is interviewed on good morning america. she has a signer/translator with her. at the end the hostess makes a segue to another segment and the signer is translating for marlee. the hostess turns and says to the translator "oh, she doesn't need to know about this"
i'm flabbergasted.

anyway, people have annoyed me today so luckily i spent most of the day by myself.

i had my teeth adjusted today. so hopefully the TMJ thing gets better course
in the meantime for the next coupld of days or so it's gonna hurt like a mofo. hurts right now - A LOT

i'm thinking we are going to convert the crib. maybe on sunday. make a big to do about it for him.

night night my litte friends.

it's packing time

so maybe there will be a longer part two when i am done but there is a lotta crap to do and i have definitely been dragging my damned feet about it. and i have to be on the road fairly early tomorrow because i have an 11.45 dentist appointment to hopefully deal with the damned TMJdisorder thingie.

we went to the natural musuem / aquarium thingie. it was little but it was perfect for him. we spent nearly two hours there and then walked around out back in the marsh etc. we took a long damned nap. well, he took a long nap mine was about an hour. ahhhh, napping - it's the best. then we went to the beach. and he was endlessly thrilled with taking giant handfuls of sand and throwing them in the water. "bear, do you wanna play a game wif me" which is very cute except that he asked it every single time. i swear the kid just can't stop yapping. he talks so much that if you ask him a question and he doesn't have an answer (which is often - he is only three) he simply repeats the question back to you. another thing he's been saying a lot the last three days or so "are you my friend? are we friends?" how effing cute is that???!! now, for the psychotic side of his personality - i did in fact make those animal moulds for him and let him paint two of them today. so he's painting the cow and it has spots on the side - they are very lightly etched into the side of the cow. well he takes the black paint and goes outside the etched lines and he wants to get rid of the black paint; tries painting over it with white. goofy little dude.

oh - jessikins - the little end blurbs are buffy quotes.

k. seriously, i gots to go.

And while I'm whittling, I plan to whistle a jaunty tune

do pigs hug each other

i just went to check my blog roll and saw that this did not post - i did done write it yesterday. idk what the hell happened - scout's honor

this is the question my son has been asking me for the last two days as he hugs me. he is extraordinarily affectionate with me though sometimes i wish he would give it a little rest since a great deal of his affection includes swirling my hair all around my face and mushing my face up.

i took him to see the herring run today. not that there were any herring. it really is kind of sad. forget your politics on the affair - i've personally seen a number of declines in nature. when i was little and we came here you literally couldn't see the bottom of the stream/pond because there were so many fish. which malachai would have loved to see but all the same - he was pretty thrilled; they have small waterfalls, rapid streams, little footbridges, seagulls. we went to a playground too and did some painting. which reminds me that this might not be too long i bought him these little animal moulds to paint and i have to mix em up. i do feel bad for him that his father isn't here because i am a HUGE wimp when it comes to being outside in the cold so his play definitely gets cut short. i both bore and freeze easily so . . . see! all the more reason i need to live somewhere warm so i can be a better momma. course i't probably just as well since i think he is fighting a cold - the last two days his nap has been longer than three hours. oh, and he has watched more tv in the last couple of days. he's in (forgive the pun) pig heaven haha

i'm going to moralize for a minute. for the last four, maybe five years i have done the christian children's fund or international children's fund or whatever the fuck they are calling themselves. they have one of if not the highest rating of a charity in the sense that 83 percent (plus or minus a percent)of their funding goes directly to the children. now, it doesn't necessarily go to that child in particular. most of it does but then there is like 5% that goes to that community. there is a whole explanation of it on their site. anyway - if you can at all afford it - then do. it's 22 a month. my first child just 'graduated' out of the program. i try to pick an older child since i figure everyone else will go for the "cute" little ones. i could write a whole blog on the motivation for me doing this but i will give you the very abridged version. you know how everyone says - when my child was born i was sure there was a god. well, for me, the exact opposite. at least not a god like the monotheistic - awarded if you're good / punished if you aren't type of god. the momentary blood going cold when he didn't cry; trying to breast feed and being unable and listening to his desperation; the jaundice panic. and yes, these are all very very minor but that doesn't negate my point / it solidifies it. as you well know - i really love kids. always have. and i get very emotional over anything being less than perfect for them. but nothing more so than children going hungry - actually this is one area that i actually feel for adults and children. i'm not entirely sure why it's such a biggie for me . . .
so yeah, if ya can do it

soapbox done

the one bummer about my mom not coming is that there were some personal thing i figured i would have a little time to attend to - so instead i'm up late fretting over the fact that i haven't done what i wanted but it's too late and i'm too tired to do it now.

and with that - i'm forcing myself to bed. otherwise the kid'll be watching television again tomorrow morning.

who's child is this?

first of all before i even start on that - since i have forgotten two days in a row let me say RIP Marilyn Chambers. http://www.latimes.com/news/obituaries/la-me-marilyn-chambers14-2009apr14,0,2571017.story

so yeah - i took the boy swimming this morning. or should i say that i walked around the pool with him clinging to me as though i were - idk, i can't do metaphors tonight. suffice it to say that he was holding on tight. i mean initially he made it clear that he was not going in at all. i didn't force him that would be way counterproductive. and i actually have some significant experience in getting someone over their fear of water. when i was little my father would NOT go in any water deeper than his waist. i basically taught him to swim - and saved him from drowning. that's not exaggeration. damn! again with the digression. but yeah, so 45 minutes i walked him around trying to go a little deeper and getting him to loosen his grip a little. which is fine. i'm not saying it's a bad thing. just wondering where the hell this came from?? by the time i was his age i was flinging myself into water at any and all opportunities. i called my dad today and blamed it on him.

and the kid wouldn't eat a vegetable if the saving of his soul were on the line. i really shouldn't complain i mean he eats a fairly balanced diet. the doctor told me that there was a total crossover between fruit and vegetables in terms of what he is getting out of them and he will eat any and all fruits that have ever existed. but breakfast - cheerios; oatmeal; pancakes / lunch and dinner - fake hotdog; chix nuggets; pasta; bread and peanut butter. that's pretty much it. and it's getting worse. he used to eat mac and cheese - rarely will he eat that now. tomorrow i'm going to try rice again and see what we think about that. he used to it. oh, and chix sausage. now, try to feed him a piece of chicken he'll look at you like you're an alien. so yeah, nutrition wise we are okay but whose child is this??

we went to the bookstore this afternoon where i did in fact pick up the golden compass trilogy. btw, i made a joke to carl while we were watching the golden compass where i sang "i've got a golden compass" ala charlie and the chocolate factory. yeah, that was a mistake dude. i can't stop singing that. but only in my head. the people in the store were flabbergasted at how much he talked and that he was only three. it's nice to have people think that your kid is cute particularly when you are thinking about mushing their little faces. good goddess he has been pushing my freaking buttons. i do think it is mostly in reaction to being away from home because he keeps saying 'this is not my house'; 'are we going home' etc etc

oh and if you think i am exaggerating (sp?) how much he talks - consider this: we are eating dinner and he is yapping away. (btw, if you ask him a question and he doesn't know the answer or have an answer for you he will just repeat your question back to you. this happens a lot.) so anyway we're eating and he's yapping and i left the room for a minute to go get something and i hear "mommy . . . momma . .. mommy" / "yes, babydoll, i'll be right there, what do you want?" / "um, i, um . . to talk". i practically peed myself.

whoa - there is a woman on colbert who wrote a book called bodies and she is talking about the bmi and she just said that george clooney is classified as obese. this may be another book i have to read. i mean i know the bmi is crap - if you are reading this don't use the bmi. it doesn't account for muscle so the body builder who weighs 250 is considered to be exactly the same as the couch potato at 250.

yeah, i like vacation. i read 40 pages of a book today (journey to ixtlan - excellent stuff); took a two hour nap and woke up to my boy hugging me; ate an actual meal with vegetables and that facial scrub i bought works awesome. yep i'm feeling pretty good. they say that going somewhere for vacation recharges your brain so that you have a different perspective even when you get back. i am very much hopeful that will be true - it's been so long since i took actual time (more that three days at a shot and went somewhere that i don't really remember how it goes.

yeah, all that 'oh if i won the lottery i'd go back to work otherwise i'd get bored' blah blah blah - those people have no fricking imagination.

Oh, well. Here is my talisman. You change your mind, give us a chant

go to bed cassandra

i tell myself this almost every night. i never do it.

i just watched saving grace. a man was executed and of course, it's television so they make a compelling case for why he is a sympathetic character but it still i just can't abide the death penalty. even if i could - not until the system improves a whole shit load. the statistics on how many cases have been overturned now because of dna. it's bad enough if you have to tell someone who has served 25 years - o, oops, good luck putting your life back together (those stories are just heartbreaking). and here is another area of the world where i see a tremendous amount of hypocrisy. actually i'm not going to get that far into that because it's religion and i'm waaaaaaaaayy to tired for that.

hey - booya - if you're reading this i just saw an advertisement for a show called "the cougar". the chick is skinny, hot and there's no way she's older than 45. talk about a whacky definition.

but i'm digressive . . . cna one be digressive. so it's just me and the boy until friday. my mother was supposed to come down but something happened at work. the bottom line is that when i make plans with someone you can bet your ass that they are going to fall through. i know shit comes up - it'd just be nice to be the shit that comes up once in a while not the thing that gets placed to the side. i know that's a bit maudlin. indulge me a sentence of self pity wouldya. i just find it frustrating.

not that it ruins this week. it'll be nice actually for it to be just me and him for a few days. we do so much juggling with schedules and all that it isn't like he and i just hang much together. today carl and i took him to the little general store around here. i bought him these models to paint. he loves to paint things. i mean he likes to paint pictures but he really likes painting objects. a few weeks ago he brought me his wooden helicopter and said "i want to paint this". i have no idea where he got the idea but it's cool. i've given him random things to paint. most of the models are way too intricate for him. so today i found this one where you press a mold of farm animals and then paint them and a pretty simplistic boat that i think'll be good.

OH! and i went to this weird brazilian market today and i got this cream that's called 'lightening cream'. isn't that bizarre. i have to look it up and see if it is literally to lighten your skin. i've never seen anything like it before. and i got a giant aloe leaf there. .

o the kid is on the toilet this morning (don't get excited nothing happened) and i hear "this is not pig's house said pig" you might recall he calls himself pig. so all day there has been sporadic mention of the fact that this is not his house. by the time he's all adjusted we'll be going home. he also spent some time today telling me that he didn't see pig. so i don't know if he's done being pig or what.

golden compass - interesting movie. not great but really good. fantastic premise just mediocre follow through. i'm definitely getting the books. the idea is very shamanistic.

i have to say this is by far the loudest house i have ever stepped foot in. the dishwasher; the heater; the refrigerator; the washer and dryer - - each one of these things makes enough noise to send me into complete teeth grinding WHICH I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO BE DOING GGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!! i have been wearing the guard a lot during the day and it does seem to be helping a ittle so that's cool.

so tomorrow we'll go to the pool and this herbal shop that i went to last year that i really liked. andrea - if you are reading this i'm gonna try to pick up some stuff for you if they have it.

okay - i'm gonna try to wind down cuz vacation or no i have shit to do tomorrow and that is not including the barrage of work emails i got. most of which i will ignore but there are a couple of things i'm going to have to do.

i seem to have lost the ability to change the color of my text - annoying.

I touch the fire and it freezes me.
I look into it and it's black.
Why can't I feel?
My skin should crack and peel!
I want the fire back!

ah, that's more like it

i slept until 9.30 today. and then i took a nap from like 1.30 to 5.30. course i've completely screwed my sleep pattern but ah, i feel . . . OH and we went shopping today and i suddenly realized i was desperately in need of fruit and vegetables so i've had like a whole bag of carrots and grape juice and some other weird comination of juices and salsa- like real fresh chopped veggies salsa. yep, i feel pretty damned good. unfortunately it wasn't a pain free day by any stretch but i'm trying to ignore that part. plus i got some good spellwork done tonight. OH OH and that bath last night was soooo soo good. the hair stuff i bought was fantastic too. my hair has felt great all day.

speaking of which - i'm watching this movie called 'the witches' came on a four pack of children's movies. i am going to have such a bitch of a time explaining to my son

we painted easter eggs with the little ankle biter today. my mother sent it with us. it was a goofy version. you put the egg in a bag and then drop the dye in and then mush it around and make tie dye eggs. i mean really. and of course the kid has no idea what we are doing. we hid them and then carl told him that if he didn't find them all that the easter bunny was going to get him. one of these days we are going to have to stop doing this to the poor little bugger. joe gave him a book about dinosaurs the other day and i said to him - "imagine honey - they roamed the earth only 6000 years ago"


malachai is sleeping on a mattress on the floor here and we're thinking about turning his crib into a bed. carl has been really pushing for it. though i have no idea why. but i suppose the little stinker is three.

oh, they did just throw in a little bit about there being good witches. that was damned decent of them.

i think tomorrow we'll take him swimming . .. mmm, and take me hot tubbing. fantastico.

ya know what else is nice to have - water pressure at the kitchen sink.

It could be witches
Some evil witches,
Which is ridiculous 'Cause witches,
They were persecuted Wicca good
And love the earth

in fact that quote deserves a full display - the picture display isn't great but enough to get the idea - really the above and the bunnies are the best

little bit shopping list

yeah, this post - it'll be a little shopping list-ish.  we just got in and i put everything away - there is sometign so vaguely satisfying about setting up the vacation house.  anyway, i am going to go take the lavender bath that i bought at lush the other day that i have been thinking about all day long.  YAY ME!

so i have this to say - if you didn't get a chance to read the comments: that woman that responded to my post yesterday and was very upset at me for (supposedly) advocating flag burning is exactly what i was referring to.  people reacting out of the gut with absolutely no attention to what is really being said.  

i guess to put a generalization on it - hypocrisy and ignorance just drive me bonkers.  and judgementalness (i know it's not a word) but that is a topic for another day.  

today's example:  i saw a bumper stick that said "criminals prefer unarmed crimes".  i mean, really!  and i'll bet dollars to donuts that the asshole driving that truck gets pissed off that he has to press 1 for english - well, ya know what??!!  ya dumb em - effer . . . english is apparently your second language too.  hopefully you all realize that i am not talking about the sentiment which i assume goes something like - if we all had guns then there would be no criminals.  

i mean i could argue against that a bit.  in fact, again, let me make a point that people who claim to be red white and blue all the way through routinely miss.  the intention behind the right to bear arms is to ensure that the government not be able to take over its citizens through might.   the obvious point there is that the ammendment needs be revisited because in order to meet that criteria we would all have to be granted equal access to a-bombs and nuclear (not nucular) weaponry and biochemical weapons.  the more subtle thing i might point out there is that our founding fathers were against the idea of might winning on sheer merit of strength alone.

anyway, even if i don't argue against the sentiment. that statement is grammatical wrong in so many ways it's almost a new language.  and in that scenario there were at least two idiot - one printed the bumper tag and one bought it and stuck it on there.  

i'd say there's a better than even chance that someone writes to give me shit about supporting illegal immigration.

BATH TIME!!!!!

back to yoga

i haven't been for two weeks so tomorrow should kick my ass.

i just got back from jess' initiation. the girl who has been studying with me. hopefully mine will be soon - are ya'll coming

here's some other random crap that drives me crazy:

people who are all pissed off about flag burning or that obama didn't wear one on his lapel and don't know the proper flag etiquette ie how a flag is retired; that a flag shouldn't fly in the rain or in the dark; that a flag must be retired or mended when it suffers any rend in the clothe. i saw a guy every morning on the way to work with flags on each side of each car or truck or whatever it was - the flags were raggedy and he drove with them in any kind of weather. now how on earth does that make him patriotic.

okay - i'll leave it at ajust one toay.

brown university got rid of columbus day. i'm all fricking for it myself. when i was 9 or 10 i asked my teacher why on earth we celebrated a man who got lost and then oppressed the indigenous (though i admit to not using the word indigenous) i was told to shutup. but it doesn't negate the point. and of course as i got older i found out the dumb wop bastard never even made it to north america. meanwhile, we don't clebrate martin luther king jr. day and he actually did something for this country.

i went to lush today - if you haven't been o you must go. best stuff ever. i sampled some stuff and my hands till feel awesome.

k - once again eyes closing and starting to sleep midtype so night night nighty night.

i'm going to try to stay awake long enough to watch the remainder of this crazy exploitation movie. the last dragon. very bizarre stuff.

i have worn the mouthguard for most of today. this better work. oh, and i have an appointment to see my dentist about the tmj disorder next friday

'Oh, Gatorade has a new flavor. Blue.

mmm gelfite fish

sorta a really gross version of tuna fish.  and matzoh is a slightly gross version of crackers - yet together they taste pretty good.  

anyway, i had a good time.  i liked it.  it's a nice tradition.  growing up catholic (and trying every day to recovery lol) we had all these holiday dinners and not a single mention of why.  i mean sure we had grace and all.  but what was the last easter dinner you had where you talked about the resurrection.  

which by the way is an old old story that you will find in every early religion.  and by the way - the easter bunny - the goddess ostara; goddess of fertility (read new life/beginnings) and her consort the hare.  course i'm a bigger fan of the idea that jesus just doesn't like eggs so everyone hid them when they heard he was back.  

so back to my point - christians are always complaining about god being taken out of christmas etc.  now usually when they say that they aren't railing against santa claus.  generally it's because they are pissed off that other people might want to do something else.  somehow it's a problem to say happy holidays because if you're jewish then you deserve nothing, if you're an atheist then you are lucky to be allowed to breath and if you are muslim or pagan well then you're the embodiment of all that is evil.  anyway, meanwhile, some of these people i get these emails from . . . i've been in their houses for holidays and i don't hear word fricking one about why - saying grace doesn't count.  when i was little i used to make my family have a birthday party for jesus - cake and all.  but i assure you that at no point did we read from the bible or stories that retold pieces of the bible or hell, even acknowledged we knew were to find one.

i get all these emails especially at work about 'those people' who are trying to take over the country.  first off, technically religious holidays are not supposed to be federally observed period.  i'll find you cites on that later.  yeah, in fact i will follow that whole lead up.  

ah, all that lacked finesse in the way it was stated but still.  and frankly i don't care that we never visited our religion while i was a kid.  (although i very much care about the spreading of bigotry under the guise of pride - there's another group that does that; they're called skins/neonazis  . . . just saying)  i was simply noting how very different tonight was.  

also, i was very uptight at first because my son was a little off the wall (by which i mean he didn't want to sit down/ was talking while they were reading etc) and where i come from if religious stuff is going on everyone shuts up and doesn't move.

okay - how cute is hayden panitterie.  my goodness.

wow.  once again i am falling asleep with fingers on the keys which is kinda screwed because i actually slept last night.  

oh, my dentist wants me to wear my guard all the time and i have to go see her to possibly have all my teeth adjusted to battle the tmj.

it's 9:15 and i am goin nigh nigh

i am going to a satyr dinner tomorrow night.  is that how you spell it?  the passover thingie.   and then friday night - for something completely different - i am going to a witchcraft initiation.  

to answer your question about my initiation- i am finishing up some of my final spell work next week while i am on vacation and have a little time to do so and then it will be some short time after that. dependant of course on them deciding that i am ready.

in fact i need to go prepare some final pieces before tomorrow's full moon.  i really hope this dinner thing doesn't last too long - apparently there is a long and short version of it.  i am only going because i always end up saying no to doing something with them.  it truly is always coincidence but still eventually you have to go even when it is horribly inconvenient.  which i have been doing a lot of lately - thing sthat are horribly inconvenient that is.

so the dude that did my shamanism workshop has a workshop regarding death on september 26  - for those of you playing along at home . . . that is the day that i found out gideon was dead.  it's in st. louis.  i am supposed to go see my friend jessica in arkansas at some point so i'm thinking - i go see her - then it's 5 hours to st. louis go to the workshop and then it's another 5 hours to lawrence kansas where gideon lived for years.  where i really wanted to live but went to kcmo instead so as to try to avoid the drama (craziest story you ever heard).  so that'll take up about a week and a half of vacation - take 3 or 4 days to detroit  then i just have to squeeze one more week in some where.  anyone else looking for company?

um, i just literally woke up with this in front of me so i am actually going to sleep.  since i am going to sleep could someone please look into the details of HR 857 (or is it 357) for me.  i know it is about food regulation but is it an attempt to fuck over the organic farmer like so many are claiming currently or is just a furtherance of the ralph nader consumer advocacy that brought us food labels.  so really - if you could do the research that i simply don't have the energy for i'm all abou tthe doing two weeks worth of work in the next two days so i can go on vacation; try to ignore phone calls and emails and still come back to too much work.

And the little slice of life that still belongs to me from, I don't know, seven to seven-oh-five in the morning, can I do what I want then?

today was actually a relaxing day. okay,well, maybe the day wasn't relaxing but i relaxed.

all that despite the fact that my computer shit the bed this morning and i had to get all the stuff in for my taxes and do my ira contributions etcetcetc BLAH

so - something great happened today and something that shocked the crap out of me, well, i guess it would have if i didn't already think fox news was evil.

fox news dissed mr. rogers - "he destroyed a generation". are you shitting me. you know i recently was telling a friend that i saw a bumper sticker on a car that had a peace sign and underneath it said 'the footprint of the american coward'. now the philosophy war is a necessary evil i might be able to argue but at least i understand it. but the above says 'peace is bad'. so the assclowns at fox news and apparently their moronic viewers judging by the letters actually think that telling kids they are loved and special is wrong. okay, so the philosophy is that kids don't deserve love they have to earn it - starting when - infancy? toddlerhood? maybe the reason my kid won't potty train is cuz i love the little bastard even though he shits in a diaper. GODDESS HELP ME PEOPLE!! ecch. and this puts the stamp on what i said about foxnews previously - even if you agree that mr. rogers destroyed a generation (oh, and if you do - you're wrong) but even if you do agree well, fine that is an opinion and OPINIONS HAVE NO PLACE IN JOURNALISM.

and now for the good news. governor jim douglas' gay marriage veto was overturned. the house and senate voted by over two thirds to overturn his veto. i guess they figured that it would look really bad if iowa was less bigoted than they were. the truth of the matter for me is that i think that state sanctioned marriage for anyone is ridiculous i guess is the best word i can come up with. the state shouldn't be involved. or if they are going to be involved it should be an actual contract with terms, conditions and penalties. but i have digressed off the point of my comment which is whooooohooooo.

oh all of which reminds me - mark i got your reply about iowa but this dinky little replacement computer is sans an updated flash program so i haven't viewed it yet. out of curiousity - did it have something to do with my post or were you just sharing? i was confused.

the other delightful thing about my computer crash is that i have a bazillion things to do because i am going on vacation next week soi lost a whole day of being able to do anything.

so part of carl's new job is going to include some traveling - in may he's going to las vegas and i'm thinking he shouldn't go alone.

so i'm hoping for a traveling year- vegas; detroit; hopefully arkansas; and there are plans in the works for south carolina and florida.

ko kiddie pies

this post contains info about tonight's house

i just watched house and kutner killed himself and it was all sad so i was all set to bare a little soul to you all. then at the end they say "visit the online memorial for kutner". omg - i very much laughed out load. so the soul baring will have to wait for another time i guess.

so this is how tolerant my child is - he is upstairs snoring like he has sludge in his sinuses. i went in and used the nose squeegee thing on him which he hates even when he is awake. eventually it did wake him up and all he does is sleepily wave me away and say "all done now"

the one thing that came ou tof the house show was they showed bits and pieces of the hindu death ritual service. i have to look into it more but i think i want them to do that for me when i die. i have to look into it more. if i didn't hve to work - i would get a doctorate in religion.

wow - they are bashing detroit on the daily show.

i don't think my pt and workout necessarily helped me out any. and on that note- i am passing out in front of my computer and nearly crying with pain.

you have fun my little firends.

Alos> . . I can kill you with my brain.

good times - good times

it was a pretty good party. a little stilted at first but isn't that always the way.

my whole body hurts; including my hands which are ever so slightly throbby.

there is only one person more tired than i am . . . the boy.

we of course had waaaaay too much food but fortunately i was able to talk most people into bringing stuff home with them.

i have pictures i will try to post tomorrow.

i also have one week of work left and then i go on vacation for a week. i don't think i could be any happier about that - i am from the 13 - 17 and then we have monday off and tuesday is my work at home day. so i won't have to go into that god forsaken place for 11 full days whoohoo!!

alright - i either have to go entertain my mother in law or pass out . . . it's a toss up

leave me a lone

my foot is throbbing; my hips hurt - i've already started grinding my teeth and i'm not asleep which i won't be able to do at all cuz i still have too damned much to do

so yeah

yeah

so i don't know whta the hell i am going to say to you people. the only thing going on in my head is the pina colada song. over and over and over. which got me to remember when i was 17 there was a song that used to get stuck in my head a lot for like a month or two "went to a party last saturday night; i didn't get laid i go tin a fight uh huh it ain't no big thing" and that is all i know of the song. so i sang it over and over. my boyfriend at the time was listening one afternoon and finally said "how many more fucking parties are you gonna go to" i only remember it because it was funny and he was rarely funny. though he thought he was. he also wasn't very bright. but i digress.

speaking of not very bright carl's eye is fucking with him again. ya think he will go to the doctor - no; don't be ridiculous.

alright - the paint fumes are kiling me.

ya know i need is a way to do this blog verbally cuz while i'm walking around doing work or whatever i have a number of things to say and then i get here and . . .nothing

oh and . . .

here is a link to a friend of mine's article - he is being feature in travel writers 2009. i adore him and his writing

http://www.facebook.com/ext/share.php?sid=80058795968&h=BowIU&u=VbPyY&ref=mf

crazy thought

i have this weird plan to sleep for eight hours tonight - i know; i know but sometimes i'm wild like that.

i can't shake this cold - it's like it's almost gone but not quite. oh, and kim; the primal scream was not a choice. i was just so overwhelmed. i am so overwhelmed. i just keep thinking that i don't want to carry this for the rest of my life. but there isn't anything else to do with it. it changes . . .
eh

i made the mistake of watching fox news tonight - well; 15 minutes of it. good goddess. i remember when i was about eight or so my mother told me i should start watching the news. so i did and the whole time i would be saying "i thought they weren't supposed to tell us their opinion - why are they saying what they like and don't like" and on and on. until finally my mother said - "why don't you go play" well, i'm here to tell you that back then they were doing a fabulous job in comparison. they did a story on obama presenting his economic plan in london. the tone was derisive and there was commentary "he did stop short of saying it would solve the economic crisis" other lady "yeah, i don't know, we'll just have to see" he story is he went there and he said this and that is that. if you want to give me some hard numbers then okay i will listen to that but don't tell me that you feel it won't work. then they did a piece on the mayor of boston and he is saying the ships that want to come into boston need to help foot the bill for the extra security - should be a right wing republican dream right? nope - they were like - "yeah, i mean it brings in millions of dollars". as i said; this commentary has NO place but at the very least it could be 'fair and balanced' hehe not so much - hell, i could do a whole blog on that. it's sad that people seem to want this sort of commentary now. because really any thought of looking at the facts is out the damned window. everyone has divided into camps and they find security in the camp they are in so damn the thinking. i fight against it myself - i get so sick of hearing all the anti-immigrant; anti-minority; anti-gay; anti-poor etc etc ad nauseam that even when it is a point i agree with i find myself bristling. like obama's aunt. she should be deported and yet my back goes up listening to people at work. i guess because they seem to make it sound like obama should be held accountable. meanwhile; when the story first broke they were saying that it showed he was an ass because he wasn't taking care of his aunt who had to live in public housing. sigh. okay i'll stop - i'm gettin myself all worked up. i just wish so called patriots would read the damned bill of rights.

okay- once i put the pictures in it wouldn't let me type after the pics so i'll end here and say this - hopefully i will have better things to say tomorrow. tonight i must answer the call of nyquil (we love you - you giant fucking q)


Also . . . i CAN kill you with my brain

this amused me:

this is what i mean

see - you break up with someone or they move away or ya know die . . . a song, maybe a band reminds you of them. for me - the passing of gideon - it's the beatles. the EFFING beatles. now, i know i am repeating myself just hold on. i'm getting there. if carl died it would be the misfits; the pogues . . . the songs would likely not even be on the damned radio but they SURE AS POOP WOULDN'T HAVE THEIR OWN RADIO STATION!!!!!! that's right kids today i stumbled across an ALL BEATLES radio station. uck. seriously, i keep thinking it's getting easier, i suppose it is but well, frankly i let go what would definitely be classified as a primal scream. i sorta lost touch with my body for a minute or two.

there isn't much blood coming out of this stone tonight. i have to go to bed because tomorrow; friday; saturday i must have this house party ready. i must be the only parent in the world who is looking forward to having an all kids party. oh, and my mother in law is staying here because her son never called her back too tell her a hotel might be a better idea. it'll be fine though. she pretty much just sits somewhere and works while she's here.

also it would be nice if my voice could be better by then it keeps cutting in and out.

my son is trying to kill me with affection. i'm wondering when this might end. he squeezes my face; pinches the end of my nose; sticks his fingers up my nose and in my eyes . . . sigh. OH - here is his sculpture














You don't have to worry about me drinking. Unless you're here to protect innocent beers.